Counterfeit Life
by xcrstfallenstrx
Summary: For a man born into a life he detested, love and desire seemed unreachable. Then one day all that changes... What will he do when his endless obligations to his cruel father threaten to destroy the one thing that ever made his life worth living...
1. Prologue

**Warning:**** This story is ****NC-17**** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes. **

**This story will also contain YAOI… MAN-ON-MAN SEX… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Side notes:** I'm well aware that the first few chapters need a lot of work, but this story started out as a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone, and was distracting me from the story I was working on at that time. I started writing it half-heartedly, to be free of the pest once and for all. Unfortunately, I fell in love with this story, and ended up devoting every spare moment to getting to the finish line, so to speak. I have yet to be able to rework the first 2 chapters. I've tried, and failed miserably. Someday that will change, but for now… it is what it is. I just hope you'll give the story a chance.

**Plot: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so hopefully there should be very few grammatical errors.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions.

* * *

**Counterfeit Life**

**Prologue**

What is it that they always say? If I only knew then, what I know now…

Truer words were never spoken…

If I'd known what was to come, when I decided to go for a drive after work that night, and found myself being called towards a night club with a red and black sign… I would have turned around and drove home. If I'd know that stopping for one teeny tiny drink, would change my world… I would've never left work. If I'd know that one passing glance would, in the end, nearly destroy us both… I never would've gotten out of bed.

Then again…

If I had to do it all over again… without changing a single thing… I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I'd be willing to die for that chance. Regardless of the outcome. I suppose that makes me selfish, but I don't really care. Every second spent with you would be worth the agony of whatever price I'd pay in the end. No matter the method of death I'd have to endure...

Whatever it was that drew me there that night, I have no idea, but I'm convinced it was destiny. Fortune, luck, chance… Fate, if you will. Call me a quack… call me a nut… call me whatever you wish, but I've seen fate at work. I can assure you that she doesn't play fair, and she sure as hell doesn't play favorites. A man never spins his own web. All he can ever do is make a bed out of broken glass and lie in it. I can hear what you're thinking… what about free will?

Free will is nothing more then the ability to take what fate gave you, and make it ten or even a hundred times worse. I was told once by a psychic that it's no one's destiny to die suddenly and violently. But I find that if free will was a bullet, then man would most certainly be a gun. Fate, however, would always be the trigger. So you see, she owns you. Your life… Your death… and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. So yeah, it's possible that I would've turned my car back around, and driven home, but it wouldn't have changed a damn thing. In the end, I'd still be here waiting… waiting for you.

I'd always felt so aimless. Like I was searching. It was as if the entire planet was holding its breath, hoping for that one perfect moment when the sun rises, and everything is dressed in shades of ginger. Then finally, three years ago, all that changed. It never made much sense until today. Until I sat down on that couch, and finally listened. It took me three years to realize that I wasn't searching. I was suspended in that place between asleep and awake, between dream and reality. Hanging onto the edge between life and death…

You pulled me back from the precipice, and showed me what it meant to be alive. Showed me what it was like to make the most of each and every minute. Reminded me of what it was to be loved. You blew me away with your strength. You found your dream, and went for it full force. A better man would have learned from your example. I simply followed the path that was presented to me. It may not have been a painless road, but I felt obligated to walk it.

It's only in the last few hours that I realize, my only obligation, is to myself. And it is in that one small realization that I see now, why you are a part of me. You lived a life tied to no one but yourself, and I was your opposite. A man who lived in misery, bound to a name he wished he could erase. Doing the unthinkable, you tethered yourself to me, bringing me into the light, and you paid a heavy price.

Each and every day you battle fate. Deciding that the life she chose for you just won't do. Then again, she should have known the day you were born, that your life would be your own. That you were one of the few who truly cut their own path, like I'd always hoped I could. Maybe I was too acquiescent to step out of the glass box I lived in. Too apprehensive to take even the smallest risk. Too accustomed to affluence to leave my silver platter behind, even though it was nothing more then a pair of high priced hand cuffs.

Yet here I sit. It would seem to be fate at work once again, because the only risk I've ever taken ended in disaster. It's possible that I'm not meant to take risks. Or conceivably, I just took the wrong risk. No… impossible! I refuse to believe that choosing you, finding you… loving you… wasn't the right decision. If it was, I wouldn't feel this way.

Hindsight really is twenty-twenty. Whenever we look back at the past, it always seems so crystal clear. Perhaps it's the distance of age, or the growth of experience. Whatever the reason, the things that seemed so trying only 365 days ago, reveal themselves to be of the simplest nature. In my 25 years, however, nothing ever seemed straightforward. But I see now, how uncomplicated things really were. All I had to do was say NO, and move on, regardless of the consequences. Instead, I chose to bend to his will over and over again, and I have no idea why.

People born to privileged circumstances are often seen as having everything handed to them. And maybe in my case that's the truth, I never wanted for material things. But I always yearned for more. Things money can't buy. The grass is always greener, right? I would gladly give up the cars, the clothes, and the money, just to be an ordinary man. I'd give up almost everything, not to be my father's son. There's only one thing I would never willingly let go of, and the decision was made for me.

All these questions don't really matter much now, though. I'm too tired of this duplicity to bother trying anymore. Twenty five long years of belittling is enough. I really couldn't care less what you think, because your games, your lies, your need for control, cost me the only thing that's ever mattered to me. So now, it's time for my opinion to matter. I've got an entire life left to live, and this time, it truly will be my own. From now on, I'll make my own path. Both you and Fate be damned!

He pulled a silver ring from its box, slid it onto a thin black leather strap, and tied it around his neck. _This will be a reminder of my promise, when I want to turn back…_

He scoured the apartment, found a pencil and some paper, and then made himself comfortable on his black velveteen camel back couch. _A series needs a place to start…._

_Why not the beginning_, his conscience asked.

And that's what he did…


	2. Chapter 1

**Warning:**** This story is ****NC-17**** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes. **

**This story will also contain YAOI… MAN-ON-MAN SEX… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura.

**Side notes:** I'm well aware that the first few chapters need a lot of work, but this story started out as a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone, and was distracting me from the story I was working on at that time. I started writing it half-heartedly, to be free of the pest once and for all. Unfortunately, I fell in love with this story, and ended up devoting every spare moment to getting to the finish line, so to speak. I have yet to be able to rework the first 2 chapters. I've tried, and failed miserably. Someday that will change, but for now… it is what it is. I just hope you'll give the story a chance.

**Plot: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so hopefully there should be very few grammatical errors.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Ghost**  
_Three Years Ago… _

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks… three incredibly long weeks. That's how long he'd been coming to Decadence. He'd show up, sit in the VIP section, drink several martinis, very dirty, and wait. Sadly, the lithe form that haunted his dreams hadn't made another appearance. On his first trip to Decadence, just three weeks ago, he'd stopped in on a whim, and now it seemed he couldn't escape.

He actually almost felt pathetic. He was here every night, getting no sleep, and slacking off at work, just so he could meet some guy, who could in fact, turn out to be a real bastard. _I'm Sanzo Douji for Christ sake…_ he was filthy rich, good-looking, and came from a very important family…_I could have anyone I want… instead I'm chasing a phantom. What the hell is wrong with me?_

What surprised him even more, was that he'd never been this fixated on a woman. He knew he wasn't straight, but he'd never perceived himself as gay either. He just figured he was some sort of asexual, doomed to never be attracted to anyone, for the rest of his life. He'd had relationships, and did all the things necessary to make them successful, just like his family's business. Unfortunately, when it came time to make things permanent, he'd never been willing to settle. He didn't want to pretend, so he just made up some stupid excuse, and moved on.

He most definitely wasn't a virgin, but sex had never interested him in any way, shape, or form. Then he started having erotic dreams about some guy he didn't even know. Some guy he'd see out on the dance floor, while on his way out the door. Just thinking about the dreams, after the fact, left his pants uncomfortably tight and his body on red alert. That had never happened before. Even when it came to sex, it took him forever to get up, and he rarely finished. As always, his curiosity got the best of him, and it was time he fixed that little flaw.

He stood up stiffly, angry with his own stupidity, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the stairs. As he passed the one-sided mirror, crimson locks caught his eye, and he took a closer look. _Oh shit… it's him… he's actually here…_ For a few days he'd been wondering if he was crazy, and the redhead was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, but he was real, and he was here.

"Leaving so soon, Mr. Douji?" Kaiga asked.

"No, as a matter of fact, I'd like you to invite that gentleman to join me."

"Which one, Sir?"

"Him," he said pointing to the redhead.

"Gojyo."

"Is that his name?"

"Yes, Sir. I'll go extend your invitation."

"Thank you."

Sanzo settled into the red leather couch, and watched from behind the one-sided mirror. He wanted to look relaxed and comfortable. Kaiga weaved through the crowd, and approached the redhead. _Gojyo_, he reminded himself. They spoke for a minute, and Gojyo looked up at the mirror. For a moment Sanzo flinched, but remembered that he couldn't be seen. Gojyo waved Kaiga off, and Sanzo frowned. _Did he just refuse?_, he thought incredulously.

Kaiga leaned over Gojyo's ear, and whispered something. His eyes widened, and he wobbled on his stool at the bar. The redhead stated something emphatically, and set his glass down on the bar. He stood up, brushed himself off, ran his fingers over his hair, and straightened his shirt. He picked up his drink, and moved towards the stairs that led into the VIP section.

Sanzo was practically salivating at the thought of being alone with the man who had captured his dreams, and even though he was trying to be calm, his heart was pounding in his chest, his breath falling out in short pants.

Sanzo crossed one leg over the other, extended his right arm along the back of the couch, and took a sip of his martini. When Gojyo walked around the corner, he was setting his glass back on the table. He looked up, and they made eye contact through the hair hanging in his face. At that very moment he felt a jolt in his heart, and knew everything was going to be different this time around…

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo strolled into Decadence, and smiled. He was looking fine as hell, the beat was pumping, and the crowd looked very promising. It just didn't get much better then that. He strolled over to the bar, and took a seat. It had been a few weeks, since he'd allowed someone to warm his bed for the evening, or a few days, and it had been far too long. Loneliness has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, and for him, the days when it didn't were becoming less and less frequent.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure," Gojyo replied. "Whiskey, straight."

"Coming right up."

_I've only been here for five minutes, and I've already had three drink offers… I knew these leather pants were the way to go. It's going to be a great night._

Gojyo felt someone tap his shoulder, and turned around. "Kaiga, what's up?"

"Doing well, Gojyo. May I buy you a drink?"

"What do you want?"

"What makes you think I want something?"

"You're trying to butter me up with a free drink."

"I simply wish to extend an invitation to you."

"An invitation for what?" he said cautiously.

"You've been invited to join one of our customers in VIP."

_VIP? Really?_

"I don't think so," he said.

"But, Gojyo…"

"What's the big deal?"

_Then again, it's not every day I get invited into the inner sanctum…_ Getting into the VIP section at Decadence meant you were somebody. Not that Gojyo wasn't somebody, he was a bit of a local celebrity, but the VIP was for guys higher up then he could ever hope to be.

"Mr. Douji… would really enjoy the pleasure of your company."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Who?" he said glancing up at the mirror, as he took a sip of his drink.

Kaiga leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Sanzo Douji."

Gojyo's eyes flew out of his head, and he choked on his whiskey. "You can't be serious."

"I assure you, thee Sanzo Douji, has invited you to join him for a drink."

_Hmmm… could be interesting… Well only one way to find out…_

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, grabbed his drink, and made his way over to the steps that lead to the VIP section, Kaiga at his side. He made his way up the stairs, and around the corner. He looked into the room and found golden tresses staring him in the face. The head moved up, and two violet eyes reached across the room, and drew him in. _I'm in big trouble this time…_

"Hi, I'm Sanzo," a velvety smooth voice whispered. "Please have a seat. Would you like something to eat? Drink?"

"Ummm… Not at the moment, thanks," Gojyo replied. He moved over to the red leather couch and took a seat just about as far away as he could sit. _I can't believe he bothered to introduce himself. As if every person in here tonight doesn't already know who he is…_

"Well, let me know if you need anything."

"Okay," he replied, his eyes staring into his drink.

"Would you mind telling me your name?" he asked, even though he already knew.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You can call me Gojyo."

He's classy, and he's got manners, and that suit… Gojyo almost frowned at his own clothes because of the glaringly obvious division… must cost thousands…

Silence fell over them, and he watched the other man out of the corner of his eye. He drank in the flawless profile, and watched Sanzo's right foot bounce almost inconspicuously. His body couldn't help but respond to the appealing features of the man next to him. He could feel tingles spreading through his body like wild fire, and it only served to make him even more nervous. He was starting to wonder why he'd thought this was a good idea.

"Gojyo?"

"Yeah?" he said turning his head.

"You must forgive me. This isn't something I usually do."

"What isn't something you usually do?"

"A lot of things. Go to clubs to meet people. Invite someone I don't know to join me for a drink. Find myself at a loss for words… Take your pick."

"Then why did you invite me to join you?" he asked curiously.

"Well, I must admit, I'm very intrigued by you. I wanted to get to know you. If that makes you uneasy, my apologies."

"What…"

"I saw you here a few weeks ago, and I've been hoping you might return."

"Ummm…"

This can't be happening to me…

"I've made you uncomfortable, haven't I? I'll go. Please order whatever you like, they can charge my account. " Sanzo stood, grabbed his jacket, and made his way towards the stairs. _Where's he going?_With panic Gojyo realized he'd been stuck in his own thoughts far too long.

Now or never…

Gojyo stood, grabbed Sanzo's left wrist, and pulled him flush against his chest. Sanzo's other hand fell to his hip, and their lips were inches apart. The blondes tongue flicked out to moisten his bottom lip, and Gojyo smiled, "I'm nervous, but I don't want you to leave. As a matter of fact…"

"Yes…" he said, almost soundlessly.

"I'd like to get to know you too."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_This is nuts… I can't believe I'm going to his apartment for dinner. It's probably not a good idea. If I'm not careful I'm going to find myself in big trouble here…_ The trouble he was referring to, of course, was love. He'd known it the second he made eye contact with Sanzo. He was going to fall hard and fast, and he didn't have any brakes.

The first night, had been awkward in the beginning, but after that, it turned out they had a lot in common. They both loved art, enjoyed the same books and movies, and Sanzo even happened to own one of his bands CDs. That had really been a surprise. Somehow, he didn't seem the type, but apparently, he'd seen it at Temple Records, and the cover art had called to his artist's eye, or at least that's the way he had explained it.

Since then they'd had coffee, or dinner, several times, but it had never gone beyond that. He'd been waiting for Sanzo to make a move, but that seemed a long time coming. He was starting to think Sanzo's interest in him was purely platonic, but then he'd invited him over for dinner. A dinner Gojyo hoped had romantic intentions.

_This might be the night… I can't wait much longer… just thinking about him… and forget about being in the same room as him… _He tried to calm himself before the erotic images in his mind over-whelmed him, and he had a real problem to solve. He looked at himself in the mirror and told himself for the thousandth time, that he didn't care what the outcome of this night, or his relationship with Sanzo was. _It's no big deal, right? _ _No great loss_, he told himself, as he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, then almost groaned out loud at his lame attempts to lie to himself.

Originally he'd been interested because of the family name, and all it entailed. Of course, the gorgeous eyes, chiseled jaw, and perfect body had helped. But now that he'd gotten to know the other man, he found himself being drawn in. Sanzo had turned out to be far more then he'd ever thought possible. Regardless of his upbringing, Gojyo found him to be incredibly down to earth.

The phone next to his hand rang, and his heart almost flew out of his chest. _Better not be calling to cancel…_ That had happened a few times too, but Sanzo was a busy man, and sometimes things come up.

"Hello?"

"Gojyo…"

"Kai…" he said and let out a sigh of relief. "What's up?"

"Not much. Ummm… you got any plans tonight?"

"Why?"

"My date has somehow become a double date, and I need…"

"Can't! I have dinner plans."

"With?"

"No one."

"Ah, the mystery man. When do I get to meet him?"

_He knows me so well_, Gojyo thought with a small frown.

"When I know if this is going someplace or not."

"Okay…"

"Besides, you might be a bit much for him."

Hakkai laughed, "Right, because I'm such a loud mouth."

Gojyo smiled at his silent, and forever polite best friend through the phone. "Hate to cut this short, but I have to finish getting ready. I'm leaving in twenty minutes."

"Alright. Have fun."

"I always do. Talk to you later," he said, and hung up.

Since Sanzo lived in Upper Manhattan, he opted for understated sexy. He didn't want to show up looking like a prostitute. He pulled on a pair of black slacks that were snug in all the right places. He threw on a red button down shirt that matched his eyes perfectly, and left it un-tucked. A pendant hung from a chain, that was tight around his neck, and had a trail of chain hanging down into his shirt. With the top buttons unbuttoned, you could catch small glimpses of it.

He slid a tube of lube into his pants pocket with a hopeful smile. He grabbed his black leather jacket, wrapped it around himself, and bounced down the stairs. When he got halfway down the stairs, he realized that he forgot the bottle of wine he'd bought, especially for this occasion. It had cost him quite a bit of his savings, and even though he was sure Sanzo had wine, he wanted to bring something. So, he went back upstairs, grabbed the bottle, and went back outside to catch a cab.


	3. Chapter 2

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura.

**Side notes:** I'm well aware that the first few chapters need a lot of work, but this story started out as a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone, and was distracting me from the story I was working on at that time. I started writing it half-heartedly, to be free of the pest once and for all. Unfortunately, I fell in love with this story, and ended up devoting every spare moment to getting to the finish line, so to speak. I have yet to be able to rework the first 2 chapters. I've tried, and failed miserably. Someday that will change, but for now… it is what it is. I just hope you'll give the story a chance.

**Plot: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Unleashed **

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I have a business associate coming by for dinner tonight," he said to the doorman.

"What time, Sir?"

"Nine o'clock."

"The name?"

"Gojyo Taishou."

"I'll mark it down in the book, Sir."

"Thank you," he said and hung up.

Okay, he should be here in an hour. I better check the food…

He went into the kitchen to check on the Coq Au Vin. He pushed the vegetables aside, and added the chicken to brown. He set the timer for five minutes, and went into his bedroom to change.

_He always sees me in suits… maybe I should dress down… look relaxed…_ He grabbed a pair of jeans, and paired them with a black v-neck knit sweater. His long hair was pulled back from his face, to protect the food, but he wanted it down, so he pulled the hair tie out, and ran a brush through his mid-back length sunshine locks. He pulled off his family ring and the watch his father had given him, and put them in his jewelry case.

He'd been waiting patiently for Gojyo to make a move, but he'd never even hinted at anything beyond a platonic relationship. The possibility of that being the case affected him in ways he couldn't explain. He wasn't sure he was comfortable being the one to make the first move, but if that's what it would take to move their relationship forward… _If Gojyo even sees me that way_… he would do it. Even though he would be embarrassed to admit he'd never been with a man before.

He poured himself a glass of Brandy, and looked over the shrimp puffs and stuffed mushrooms. _I think I might be trying too hard…_ He debated getting rid of one of the appetizers, but before he could make up his mind the buzzer in the kitchen went off. He twisted the knob to silence the buzzing timer, and checked on dinner. The chicken had browned evenly, so all he had left to do was let it simmer for an hour, and prepare the salad.

Since he wasn't crafty enough to chop his own salad, he bought one in a bag, tossed it in a bowl, and added some sliced tomatoes and cucumbers. He put it on the center of the dining room table, along with vinaigrette dressing. He went to pour himself another drink, but there was a knock on the door.

He put his empty glass in the dishwasher, and smoothed his hair. _Everything is in order_, he thought looking around his apartment quickly. He walked over and opened his front door. "Hi. I'm a little early, but I come bearing gifts," Gojyo said.

"Thank you. Come in."

"You told me you had a thing for red wine, and I heard this was a good year, so here." Gojyo explained while taking off his jacket.

"A 2004 Barbaresco…"

"Is something wrong?"

"Gojyo, this wine is very expensive. You didn't have to do this."

"You always pay for me when we go out, and now you're cooking for me too. I just wanted to do something nice for you. So enjoy it."

"I assure you I will. This happens to be a particularly good year. Thanks. Why don't you have a seat in the living room, and I'll bring out some glasses."

"Okay, ummm… which…"

"That way," Sanzo said pointing to the hallway on the left, and went to retrieve wine glasses. _This is a very nice gift… A three hundred dollar gift_, he reminded himself with a frown._I wish he hadn't… he doesn't have much to begin with…_

When Sanzo moved into the living room, he found Gojyo relaxed on the black camel back sofa, a shrimp puff in one hand, and a curious look on his face. He bit into the shrimp puff, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head with delight. "Sanzo, these are excellent."

"Thank you. I made them myself. Your wine," he said, handing him a glass.

"Thank you." Gojyo took a sip, and his eyes smiled again. "I don't know much about wine, but this is good. Aren't you going to sit?"

"Oh, yes, of course."

"So what's for dinner?"

"Coq Au Vin."

"What's that?" Gojyo asked suspiciously.

"Chicken and vegetables cooked in sherry or wine. It's quite good."

"Better then these?" Gojyo asked grabbing another shrimp puff, and taking a satisfied bite.

Sanzo laughed, and all the tension flowed from his shoulders. "Probably not, but I tried."

"Well that's all that matters."

Sanzo served them both, and they sat down at his dining room table to enjoy the meal he'd spent nearly all day preparing. He waited eagerly for Gojyo to take a bite, but he merely raised his glass. "A toast?"

"To what?" Sanzo asked.

"To… Decadence," Gojyo said airily.

"Yes… and… to new friends…"

"Very good friends," Gojyo replied with a mischievous smile that bordered on seductive, with a hint of innocence, and then took a sip.

Sanzo took a sip as well, and smiled to himself. _Tonight is going to be very interesting…_

Gojyo looked down at his food, and took a bite. His taste buds danced, and he smiled. "Sanzo, this is great. You're an excellent cook."

"Thank you," he said.

After that dinner went by quickly, as they talked into the night. It amazed Sanzo how many things they had in common. Perhaps he truly wasn't meant for the corporate high life, but that was all he'd ever known. Not to mention, if he left, his father wouldn't be pleased, and Shuuei Douji, was someone you wanted to keep happy.

When dinner was over Gojyo offered to help with the dishes, and he didn't refuse. They joined each other at the sink, he washed, and Gojyo dried. He could smell Gojyo's cologne, and it titillated his senses. Never before had he desired someone in such a way, and he found himself ready to burst at the seams.

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo dried the last dish, and placed it in the rack. When he turned around, he found himself face to face, nose to nose and chest to chest with Sanzo. The violet eyes that haunted his dreams were hungry, and it thrilled him, sending little sparks through his body. _So he wants me as much as I want him… that's good to know… for a while there I thought I might be losing my touch… _

Gojyo leaned in and pressed his lips to Sanzo's. His tongue flitted out to caress his lips, begging entrance. Once granted his tongue slipped in, and explored the moist cavern before him. His hands traveled down to Sanzo's hips, pulling them together, as pale fingers grasped the back of his neck.

He backed Sanzo into the counter and rolled his hips, rubbing their erections together, and Sanzo groaned in approval. Gojyo smiled against his lips and pulled back to look his soon to be lover in the eyes. "You know… I was starting to think you weren't interested."

"I can assure you, that's not the case at all," Sanzo said, trying to catch his breath.

"Apparently," Gojyo stated, then brushed their erections together again for emphasis.

Gojyo was tired of talking. He pushed his thigh between Sanzo's legs, and kissed his lips again. This time they opened automatically, and his tongue dove in, plundering passionately. Sanzo made a whimper in the back of his throat, and pushed himself shamelessly against Gojyo's thigh, relishing the friction.

Gojyo pulled back, his tongue running up Sanzo's neck, then ear, and whispered, "Fuck me…" Sanzo put some distance between then, violet orbs meeting crimson irises briefly, before they turned away, and he frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I've uh… never…" Sanzo stuttered helplessly.

"You're a virgin?" Gojyo asked disbelieving.

"No… ummm… not at all. I've just never…"

"Been with a guy before, right?" Gojyo said with a sigh.

"Yes…"

"I knew this was too good to be true," Gojyo mumbled softly as he pulled back.

"It's not like that, Gojyo. I've never been with a man, because I've never had the desire to be. As a matter of fact, you're the only person, either male or female, that I have ever desired in a sexual way."

"But you're not a virgin?"

"No."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"When you're in a relationship, certain things are expected of you…"

"And?"

"And I did them, regardless of whether or not I took any pleasure from it."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I should have told you all this sooner." _This is… crazy…_ "I know that. But now you understand why I pursued you, even though I'd never spoken two words to you. And I… Please, Gojyo…"

Gojyo growled at the silent plea, and pushed Sanzo back against the island. "It's fine." Gojyo said, and took his lips once more in a fevered kiss. He was so far gone at this point, that there was no way around it. His hands fell to the hem of Sanzo's sweater, and pulled the soft material from his skin. Rough fingers traced down the sculpted chest before him, and moved lower, fingernails running along the ridges of sinewy muscle, to squeeze Sanzo's clothed erection.

His lips burned a trail down pale skin, and made their way to a rosy nipple. Lips and teeth suckled and teased them both into peeks, while skillful fingers undid the button and zipper blocking his path. He looked up, and Sanzo was watching him with wide eyes, filled with lust and anticipation. Sanzo kicked off his shoes, and Gojyo pushed his pants and boxers down his legs, setting his thick dripping sex free.

He unbuttoned his shirt and pants, kissed the blonde once more, and began his torturously slow decent. When he got to his destination, gentle fingers stroked Sanzo lovingly, caressing the head. When a pearl appeared, Gojyo licked it from the tip, and enveloped Sanzo to the hilt. Sanzo groaned in approval and his hips snapped forward, trying to bury himself in that moist heat, as Gojyo's tongue slithered around his cock, and gentle teeth scraped his length.

While his tongue and lips worked their magic, Gojyo coated his fingers, and pressed one digit inside Sanzo's opening. Sanzo gave a whimper at the sensation, so Gojyo moved his tongue to the sensitive underside, and lapped at him there, trying to distract him. Once the first finger could move freely, he added a second finger, scissoring them to stretch the virgin opening.

Gojyo looked up at the picture his lover made. His hips pushing down against the fingers working inside him wantonly, teeth grazing his own lip, whimpering in both pleasure and pain, thighs shaking with the intensity of his longing, and sweat coating the skin of his perfect abs. Gojyo found it hard to breathe, as sweat dampened golden strands were shook from his neck.

_Does he have any idea how sexy he is?_,Gojyo thought as fingers buried themselves in his crimson locks. Since Sanzo had never been with a man before, and had supposedly never been sexually attracted to anyone, Gojyo wanted this experience to be mind-blowing for him. Because if he pleasured Sanzo like no one else ever had, or could, then they'd be together… _f__orever…_That thought threatened to stop his heart in his chest, but he pushed it away. He could think about 'that' later.

He stroked deeply, finding that one spot. When two fingers tickled it lightly, Sanzo gave a surprised rasp, and his head flew back, a low mewl catching in his throat. When Sanzo was ready for the third finger he took him all the way into the back of his throat, and hummed over the tip, while he pressed against his prostate. Sanzo's body tightened, his back arched, and Gojyo sucked him furiously, purring once more. Sanzo moaned a broken version of his lovers name, and his hips slammed forward, seed filling Gojyo's eagerly waiting mouth. Gojyo pulled his hand back and smiled.

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have never felt anything like that… It was… It was… He tried, but he couldn't think of a single word that could describe how he felt at this very moment. How do you explain the colors of a sunrise, or the view from the tallest peak of a mountain, or the vastness of the ocean, with just one word? The answer is simple, it's impossible. There aren't enough words, or maybe just not the right words, in existence. Not in English, Japanese, French, of any other language. Just like words could never be enough to explain what was rippling under his skin. But while he wasn't sure what to call the feelings flowing through him, he was certain that he liked them, and he never wanted them to go away.

Gojyo stood up, and pressed his lips against Sanzo's. He could taste himself in his lovers mouth, and it thrilled him. He watched Gojyo pull a small tube of lube from his back pocket, and place it on the counter. He pushed his pants down his lithe form, and pulled them off. Sanzo pushed the shirt from his shoulders, his teeth taking the opportunity to nip the pulse thumping beneath Gojyo's skin, and was rewarded with a harsh pant. Searing eyes pulled him in, and blood rushed to his half-mast erection.

Gojyo's shoulders moved, and drew his attention south. His eyes wandered down tan skin slowly until he found Gojyo's length. He was thick and long, darkened with the hunger flooding his veins, and glistening with moisture. He watched with rapt attention as Gojyo stroked himself a few times, eyes flowing over Sanzo's body hungrily. He ran his thumb over the tip, grabbed the lube, and liberally coated his erection.

"Turn around," a lust roughened voice commanded, and he obeyed. No one but his father had ever dared to tell him what to do, and he was surprised by how much it turned him on. He loved it. A hand landed between his shoulder blades, and he found himself cheek down on the ceramic tile of the island in the center of his kitchen. The tiles were frigid against his skin, sending ripples of bliss through his over heating body.

Gojyo kicked his knees apart, one of his hands gripped Sanzo's hip, the other pressed the tip of his erection against Sanzo's entrance, circling, and tickling, but it never slipped in. The needy groan that fell from Sanzo's lips surprised them both, and Gojyo gave in. He pushed himself inside, just beyond the pucker, giving him time to adjust.

Sanzo choked back a cry, as his body trembled at the pulsing invasion, his teeth biting into his own lip. Gojyo leaned forward and pressed himself to the man beneath him. Gentle teeth nibbled Sanzo's ear, and he purred in response. "Relax…" Gojyo panted, his breath brushing the sensitive skin behind Sanzo's ear. When he pulled back, his hands rubbed slow soothing circles over the expanse of silken skin laid out before him.

Sanzo pushed his hips back, taking Gojyo into his velvety heat until his ass pressed against Gojyo's hips. Gojyo stiffened in astonishment, and his breaths came out in strangled gasps, as he folded over on-top of Sanzo, the feeling of clenching heat almost too much to bear. He felt like he could come at any moment, and they'd barely even begun.

"God Sanzo… you're so tight…" Gojyo said as his fingers played with long sunshine locks. Hands stroking Sanzo's back as he pulled away. Sanzo mourned the loss of heat against his skin, until tender nips fell along the back of his neck and shoulders.

Gojyo gripped Sanzo's hips, withdrew, and rolled his hips as he pushed back in slowly. Sanzo moaned as his prostate was grazed. Gojyo retreated again, and slid in, setting a slow pace, his nails digging into Sanzo's hips, in an effort to keep his movements controlled. His erection pressed against Sanzo's prostate a second time, and Sanzo shuddered. "…More…" he pleaded with the redhead.

Gojyo pushed his hips forward, giving a deeper, harder thrust. Sanzo pushed his hips back lightly, meeting him halfway, and groaned at the pressure on his prostate. "Gojyo…" he moaned "…Harder… Please…" Those were the two little words Gojyo had been praying for. Without a second thought, he slammed his hips forward pushing Sanzo into the counter harshly. His hips snapped back and forth as he picked up his pace, without ever giving up an ounce of the strength in his strokes.

Sanzo writhed beneath him, driving his hips back to meet every thrust. He flung his hair out of his face, and turned his head to watch Gojyo ram into him, and realized that while the redhead was taking his body, he was also taking his soul. In this moment he couldn't even begin to think about what that meant. Maybe it was too late, maybe he was already in too deep. All he knew was that nothing would destroy this moment for him, and using the island for leverage, he slammed his hips back even harder.

Gojyo caught those violet eyes watching him, with a look that unleashed some sort of primal instinct within him. He gripped Sanzo's long strands, pulling the other man to meet him. He kissed him forcefully, in a way that told Sanzo he belonged to Gojyo. Then he pushed Sanzo back down onto the cool ceramic, and pounded into him mercilessly with unnatural speed, taking possession of everything that Sanzo had to offer.

Sanzo was swept away in the intensity of his lovers passion. Each thrust jarred him forward, and he fought to keep up. With each push moist palms slid across the counter, and nails chipped away at the ceramic as his hips were pulled back. The steady beat of sweaty skin slapping together echoed in his quiet home.

Something about this man lit him on fire, and he could feel himself getting closer to his release. A compulsion over took him, "Gojyo… Touch me…" Gojyo wrapped his hand around Sanzo's dripping erection, and stroked in time with his thrusts.

Gojyo angled his hips to hit Sanzo's pleasure center with every plunge. Sanzo's whole body shook with his oncoming climax. His back arched, and his nails dug into the island. He was teetering on the edge, but his release didn't come. He realized belatedly that Gojyo had stopped moving. He tried to push back, desperately seeking his release, but Gojyo held him firmly in place. He looked to the man in question and gulped at those blazing burgundy eyes.

"Who do you belong to?"

"Wha…"

Gojyo gave a particularly hard thrust, and Sanzo moaned as Gojyo's thick cock slammed into his prostate. "Who… do… you… belong… to?" Gojyo grit out, and then resumed his viscous thrusts.

"You…" Gojyo gave a grunt of approval, and reached around his lovers body to grasp his neglected erection and spread the pearl from its tip. With a strong grip he drew against Sanzo's length, all the while, his hips continuing to piston into the blonde. Sanzo could feel Gojyo's pulsating erection pressing his prostate on every stroke, with bruising strength. He felt that tightening in his balls, and his inner coil vibrated with anticipation.

Gojyo folded over his lover and growled, "Come for me, Sanzo." His body quivered, white flashed behind his eyes, and he came, his seed splashing the cabinets, and his lovers hand. Gojyo's thrusts were losing their fluidity, and Sanzo knew he wasn't far behind. As the intensity of his orgasm spread through his whole body, he almost collapsed to the ground.

Gojyo caught him in his arms, pulling him to his chest. He continued to thrust as Sanzo clamped down around him like a vice. Sanzo's body tore his release from him, as he bit down roughly on the man in his arms, between neck and shoulder. Sanzo growled at the ferocity of the bite, as he felt Gojyo's seed flooding his insides. It left him feeling filled like he'd never felt before. Gojyo's thrusts slowed as he rode out the final shudders of his release.

They slid to the floor, Gojyo laying on top of Sanzo, their bodies still entwined. Gojyo caught the bite mark on Sanzo's shoulder and frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I've never been that rough before."

Sanzo pushed red fringe bangs out of his eyes, "It's okay. I enjoyed it."

"But…"

Sanzo shushed him with a kiss. "It's okay. Really. That was amazing. So, don't apologize," he said soothingly, and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. "Besides, I'd rather you do this," he said as he ran pale fingers over the wound, "then piss on my leg."

Gojyo laughed, and pulled out of the blonde as gently as possible, then rolled to the floor next to him. Sanzo grimaced silently at the sting left behind by his withdrawal. He moved to his feet slowly, pulled Gojyo up by his hand, and led the redhead into his bedroom.

There was no way the redhead was leaving tonight. He pulled the covers over them, and Gojyo nuzzled against his chest. He could feel tiny shallow breaths against his skin, and knew the younger man was asleep. Something about this felt… right. He didn't question it, couldn't... For now, he was content to just accept whatever came.

And it didn't really matter what his father thought…

Or so he told himself…


	4. Chapter 3

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura. I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so hopefully there should be very few grammatical errors.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Addiction**

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo looked over his apartment one more time, and smiled. Everything was neat and clean, and in it's proper place. Sanzo was coming over later tonight, and even though they'd already been together almost a year, he was nervous. Sanzo had been over at least a hundred times, but he'd said there was something he wanted to talk about. _Well it's either good news, or bad news… God I hope it's good news…_

Gojyo plopped down at his vanity, and worked some pomade through his hair. He dabbed his fingertips into some hair paste, and began to finger style his hair. When he liked the results, he sprayed some hairspray over it, and smiled. He looked at the clock, and moved it into high gear. He quickly grabbed a pair of ragged jeans, with so many holes, he might as well be naked, and slid them over his lean legs. A studded belt with a star shaped belt buckle was next. He looked through his closet and pulled out two shirts. He looked at them both in the mirror, and tossing one back into his closet, pulled a long sleeve fishnet, mid-riff top on. He looked into his closest again, and grabbed a blue work shirt, that had the sleeves cut off, and put that on as well.

_That will have to do_, he thought, as he looked himself over in the mirror. He slid his feet into his trusty shit-kickers, and tied the laces in place. He threw on some heavy eyeliner, a bondage collar, and debated for a few seconds over arm bracers versus cuffs. Cuffs won. He slapped one on each wrist, and was done a whole ten seconds before he heard a double honk outside his window. He looked out, and found Hakkai's little jeep, waiting for him. "Two seconds…" he screamed out the window, and Hakkai honked in return. He grabbed his keys, and ran the four floors down to the street. He hopped into the jeep, a little breathless, he really should quit smoking, or maybe just move to a place with an elevator, and smiled. "The crowd is waiting man. Haul ass!"

When they pulled up in front of Razor, there was already a crowd brewing, and a sign that read: Essential Vex (*). He climbed out of the jeep, and a woman with long black hair ran up, and kissed him on the cheek. After taking a picture with her, and a few other fans, he made his way inside. When he got backstage, he looked over the crowd and frowned. _He's not here yet… he promised me he would be here…_

This was the first night he and Sanzo, were actually going out-out together since they'd become official. Sanzo wasn't much for loud crowds, or prying eyes, so this was a very rare treat, and he was excited. But his love was nowhere to be seen, and that wasn't a good sign. Sanzo had yet to make it to a show, and it pissed him off. As far as he could tell, that was his only flaw. Sometimes work got in the way of everything else. But he was extra busy with work these days, so they could enjoy more time together on the weekends. To Gojyo, it was almost a fair trade. "Hey, Gojyo."

"Hey, Dave," he said in greeting to their guitarist, as he tuned his guitar. "What's the set list for tonight?"

"We decided to leave it up to you."

"Okay," he mumbled around the cigarette pressed between his lips. He grabbed a notebook, hopped onto an amp, and began jotting down a list of songs. "Hey, Vic?" he called.

"What's up?" the drummer replied.

"What's the set time?"

"A little over an hour I think. Dave?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Dave added, as he set his guitar in its stand.

"Alright. Where's Shane?" Gojyo asked, noticing that their bassist was absent.

"Got stuck in traffic on his way home from work," Vic said, filling in the blanks. "So he's gonna be here late, but I've got his bass here, and I already tuned it. We're just going to have to warm up without him."

Gojyo wasn't sure how comfortable he was with the idea of being short a member at the moment, but they still had an hour and a half. Hopefully, he would get here on time. Gojyo looked over his list, added three more songs, and handed out the list.

"Addiction? Gojyo, is that a good idea? You just wrote it, and we haven't really worked with it yet," the nervous guitarist asked.

"I know, but we got all the kinks out. I wanted to play it tonight."

"But…"

"It's my brain child… I have to see what the crowd thinks. Come on, back me up here, Vic."

"Whatever you thinks best, is fine with me."

"But, Vic…"

"Gojyo's excited about this, so let's just see where it goes."

"Thanks, Vic," Gojyo said with a smile, then wandered over to the curtain, and looked over the crowd, again. Sanzo still hadn't arrived, but he spotted Hakkai at the bar. He went down to the bar area, and grabbed his friend. "Want to come backstage?"

"No, I think I want to watch from here," Hakkai said eyeing a guy to his right.

"Oh…" Gojyo said in understanding. "Well, then, I guess I'll get a drink and join you." He ordered a Jack and Coke, and made his way over to his best friend, who didn't seem very excited anymore. "What happened?" he asked as he sat down.

"Sadly, he's hetero. What a shame. He had such a cute butt." Gojyo only laughed, and then turned to face the stage, as the first band began their set.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before he knew it, he had to head backstage to warm up. He was as excited as always, but he had a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sanzo, had yet to arrive, and they went on in fifteen minutes. _If he doesn't__show up… I swear to god…_He let it go for the time being. He had other things to focus on.

"Hey, hey… sorry I'm late," Shane called as he ran up the stairs. He took off his jacket, and grabbed his bass. "Damn job…"

"Alright, 'Hollow Home' guys, on 4. Ready?" they all nodded. "1,2,3,4…" Bass boomed, and drums hit. They were meshing perfectly, and the tension left Gojyo's shoulders._It's gonna be a good show…_

As the last band carried all their gear off stage, they scampered to move their equipment in place. When they were ready, Gojyo removed his work shirt, stepped in front of the mic, and looked over the crowd one more time. _Where the fuck is that bastard_, he thought angrily, but calm spread through his body, as he felt eyes wash over him. He may not be able to see him, but he could feel his lover watching him. The feeling was unmistakable.

As the lights hit, and the bass thumped, Gojyo gave his most seductive smile, "Hello boys and girls…" but he was drowned out by cheers. He cleared his throat in the mic, and the applause died down. "Essential Vex would like to ask you a question?" Cheers erupted again, and he laughed out loud. He loved this. It got him high, and made his blood vibrate beneath the skin. "Have you all been naughty? Who wants to come play with me?" he asked amidst hoots and hollers, and the band jumped into their first song, 'Gutter Love'.

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo arrived at Razor right on time. He'd been worried that he might not make it, so he'd broken every rule of the road in existence, to guarantee that he did. He probably shouldn't have taken the time to go home, and change his clothes after work, but he wanted to fit in with the people around him, so he'd risked it. Thankfully it had all worked out. _Gojyo would have ripped me a new one…._

He watched the redhead with rapt attention, as he flirted with the crowd, hips swirling suggestively. His voice was low, but not too low, melodic, and slightly rough, but in an unbelievably sexy way. Not to mention, the voice he used to speak to his loving audience, was a voice Sanzo heard on an almost nightly basis. He could already feel the tendrils of arousal reaching south. _I'm a lucky, lucky bastard_, he thought as Gojyo stroked down his perfect stomach and caressed himself provocatively, earning some very colorful responses from the crowd.

Sanzo was surprised when Gojyo cried, "This is our last song for the evening…" _Already? Damn that was fast… no wonder he gets pissed when I don't have time to come. _ "…And it's a brand new one. It's my baby, and no one's ever heard it before. So you be sure to tell me what you really think. This one's called 'Addiction(*)'."

Addiction

Drowning in amethyst eyes

As you quiver beneath my thighs

You haunt my mind

In the dead of night

Want to bury myself inside

And I breathe you in

Through my skin

Addiction

I taste your life

And feel it cry

Addiction

The press of your lips

The pulse of your hips

You shatter my core

And poison my soul

Want to bury myself inside

And I breathe you in

Through my skin

Addiction

I taste your life

And feel it cry

Addiction

You make me weak

And tear my release

Want to bury myself inside

You burn me alive

And take what's mine

Want to bury myself inside

And I breathe you in

Through my skin

Addiction

I taste your life

And feel it cry

Addiction

I'm drowning in your eyes

Inside you's where I die…

Sanzo felt the pulse of the first beat, watched Gojyo caress his stomach, then that tempting voice sounded, launching into the first verse. _Did he just say amethyst eyes? All be damned he wrote a song about me. Is that why he was so determined to get me here?_ As Sanzo took in every word, he found his arousal jumping to attention. There was something very erotic about Gojyo singing a song about him, and touching himself. He felt like a voyeur, and the idea of spying on Gojyo, only strengthened his desire.

As the song came to a close, amidst cheers and cat calls, Gojyo bowed and gave a mischievous smirk. "Good night, everybody. Thanks for coming out!" he said. "And remember… you should only be as good as your last fuck!" then ran off stage.

Sanzo smiled at his parting comment. _Then I guess I should be a very, very, VERY, good boy…_

He looked down at his current state, and decided he didn't care. He made his way backstage, but was stopped by a rather large man. He really just wanted to see his lover, and the jerk was giving him a hard time, but thankfully, for the ape in his way, Gojyo came along, and he let him through. When Gojyo caught a glimpse of the outfit he was wearing, his eyes bulged out of his head. "Lover," he said as he moved closer, "Do you just want to take me home right now?"

Apparently, his redhead had a thing for leather, "Nope. We're going to Decadence tonight. Like I promised, and then we'll spend the next three glorious days, in bed, in each other's arms."

"You swear?"

"Yep." He fingered the box in his pocket with a nearly invisible smile.

Gojyo wrapped him in a hug, and stole a kiss. "Well then let's get to Decadence, so we can go home…"

"Whenever you're ready."

"Bye guys," Gojyo called, and dragged Sanzo towards the front door. "Where'd you park?" Sanzo took his hand, kissed his palm, and amazingly, they made it to the car without getting stopped once. Once they climbed in Gojyo rubbed himself against the soft leather interior of his brand-new Mercedes. _Yep, definitely a thing for leather… the possibilities are endless…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Twenty minutes later, Sanzo found himself lounging on the red couch in VIP. Gojyo was sitting in his lap, nibbling his ear, licking his neck, and generally trying to cause trouble. Kaiga came over and smiled at them both, but said nothing. He was the strong silent type, so the smile was enough. "Gojyo…" Sanzo growled, as the redhead gave him a particularly vicious bite. "Stop, for just one minute, okay? And sit over there. Can you do that for me?"

When Gojyo only gave him a frown, he waved the waiter over, who placed a plate on the table. Once he was gone, Sanzo smiled and said, "I ordered you shrimp puffs…"

Gojyo grabbed one from the plate, and smiled. After popping it into his mouth he stared at Sanzo in decision. After seemingly making up his mind he spoke in a near whisper. "So what did you want to talk to me about? That's obviously why we're here, right? So whatever it is, let's just get it over with." With a wink he added, "Just so you know, I have no problem making a scene in public," then he tossed another shrimp puff in his mouth and waited.

_Well that was… uh… he reads me like a fucking book…_

Sanzo smiled at his lover. "You're right. We are here, because it's a special occasion, your birthday." Gojyo looked up with surprise in his eyes, and he couldn't help but smirk. "I know you never told me, but I have my ways," he said with a mysterious smile. "I know how much you love this place, so I wanted to come here with you. I also have a gift for you, which you can open whenever you're ready. As for what I wanted to talk to you about, it can wait. Because right now… I think we should dance."

Soon they were on the crowded dance floor, Gojyo's back pressed to his chest, as they undulated against each other. His hands skimmed the body that was his for the taking, neck, and then chest, taking a moment to tweak a rosy nipple. His nails scraped down Gojyo's stomach, and the redhead rested his head on his shoulder, a groan fleeing his lips. Sanzo took a moment to mark his lover, as his hands moved even lower, stroking his clothed erection. He squeezed the impressive length, earning him another moan. "I'm addicted to you too," he whispered into Gojyo's ear, and stroked his length again.

Gojyo turned around in his arms, and rubbed their erections together. "Then what do you say we get out of here, and you can fuck me senseless?" he husked. Sanzo didn't waste time with words. He pulled his lover off the dance floor, retrieved their stuff, paid his tab, and dragged Gojyo to the car. While they drove, Gojyo unbuttoned his pants, and freed his sex. Nimble fingers slid over him, and he groaned. A finger ran across the head, and Gojyo raised it to his lips, licking the pearl away. Sanzo wanted to just pull over and find a parking lot, but for what he had to say a parking lot was a no go.

_My place is closer… but…_ Gojyo had stopped teasing him and began caressing his own swollen arousal and whimpering. "Sanzo… I need you to touch me… Do you know how good you make me feel when you touch me? How hot it makes me when I think about bending over and letting you fuck me?" _Dear god…__What the hell is he doing to me? Is he trying to kill me? _

Gojyo mewled, as he gave himself a particularly hard stroke. "God Sanzo… I wish you could fuck me right here… hard and fast…" _Screw it! _At a red light, Sanzo made a U-turn, and floored it to his place. He made it in record time.

They barely made it in the door, before Gojyo was in his arms. He pressed Gojyo into the wall, long lean legs found purchase around his hips, and his fingers gripped a supple ass. His hips rammed forward, relishing the friction against his length. "Goddamn it! Hurry up…" Gojyo snarled, and Sanzo lost himself inside the moment.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo finished the omelet he was making, put it on a plate, and added it to the tray. He looked the tray over and made a checklist in his head. _Rose, coffee, toast, butter, jelly, silverware, omelet…_ Everything was in order, so he grabbed the black velvet box from his coat pocket, added it to the tray, and went to go wake Gojyo. He'd meant to give it to him last night, but they'd been VERY busy. "Gojyo," he called, and the redhead shifted on the mattress. Finally, he rolled over, and Sanzo placed the tray over his lap. "Morning beautiful."

"Huh? What's this?" Gojyo asked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Breakfast..." he replied, a smirk evident.

"Sanzo, you didn't have to go through all this trouble." Gojyo said looking over the tray. "I would have been happy to…" but he stopped when his eyes landed on the velvet box. "What's this?" he asked curiously, and picked up the black box delicately.

"Your gift. You didn't get to open it last night, so…" he replied as he lay down next to his love.

"What is it?"

"Open it."

Gojyo opened the box slowly, and inside he found a silver band, with a Celtic knot style design, and smiled. "It's beautiful."

"Read the inscription," Sanzo pressed. He could have waited for the redhead to notice, but this was more fun.

"My Heart My Life My Soul…" Gojyo read, and his voice cracked with emotion. "Sanzo… It's… but I… I don't understand…"

"It's a promise ring." Sanzo said as he climbed to his knees next to Gojyo, and looked him in the eyes. He took the box, pulled out the ring, and gripped Gojyo's hand in his own. "I…" he stumbled. For a moment he thought he wouldn't be able to say it. He'd never been able to before, but he pushed himself. It was time. He cleared his throat, "I love you, Gojyo." He slipped the ring on Gojyo's finger, and kissed his palm.

A silent tear rolled down Gojyo's cheek, and he wiped it away. "Thank you. It's…" but he was at a loss for words. Instead he dragged Sanzo to him, and kissed him breathless. When they pulled apart he smiled. "So what did you want to talk to me about? This?" Gojyo said eyeing the ring.

"No, actually, I think we should move in together," Sanzo said lazily.

"Really?" Gojyo asked, shock reflected in his eyes.

"Yes."

"Where?"  
"Anywhere you want…."

"Are you sure?"

He didn't answer, only pulled his lover to him, taking his lips in a forceful kiss.

* * *

*This chapter features the one and only appearance of Gojyo's band Essential Vex. I imagined them as a Stabbing Westward type band. I do own the song 'Addiction', though I'm not really claiming bragging rights. Song writing isn't really my strong suit, obviously…


	5. Chapter 4

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so hopefully there should be very few grammatical errors.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Dark Secrets**

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo smiled as he ran his fingers through silky ruby locks. _It just doesn't get much better then this_, he thought as he looked down at the man in his arms. They'd spent the last 48 hours in bed together, and every time he woke up to find Gojyo pressed against him, it made his heart beat a little faster. He had to be in heaven. _Nope… not yet… but soon._ He didn't care where they moved, as long as he could wake up to this feeling every day.

Sanzo leaned towards the end table, and the angel in his arms stirred. He reached for his cell to check the time, but Gojyo stilled his hand. "Oh no you don't! You promised me three uninterrupted days."

"You can relax," he said, dropping a kiss on the creased brow, "I was just checking the time. I'm kind of hungry, and if it's not too late, we can order something. I'm way too sore to cook."

"Alright," he mumbled against the pale chest, and bit below his lips.

"Ow…" he grabbed his phone, and checked the time. "Well if we order in the next five minutes, we can get something from the place down the street."

"Which one?"

"Percy's."

"Isn't that a hamburger place?"

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"11:45… Uhhh… Oomph… Gojyo! What the fuck…" he growled as the redhead stole the phone from his hand, and wandered out of the room. _What the hell is he doing?_, he wondered. After about five minutes, he got tired of waiting, and got up to go find his lover. He hadn't made it three steps before Gojyo pounced on him, pushed him back onto the bed, and grinned.

"Food is on the way. Decent food."

"From?"

"Don't worry about it. It's a surprise," Gojyo said, and pressed their lips together, in a delicate kiss. Sanzo gripped scarlet strands, and pulled Gojyo back down, lengthening the kiss. Now that he'd had a taste, there was no way the redhead was going to escape. Gojyo moaned into his mouth, and he felt his lovers member stir against his thigh. Gojyo finally pulled away, and took a large breath. "Look what you did," he said, then pointed at his half-mast erection. Before he could even respond, Gojyo rubbed their members together, and he felt himself twitch in response. Gojyo smiled deviously, and began to work his hips in slow circles.

_I don't think so_, he thought as he flipped them over, and Gojyo pouted. "You're making trouble again, Lover. Maybe I should punish you?" _He can be such a little cock tease…_ He nipped the flesh of Gojyo's neck softly, then moved down and to the right, and pulled a rosy nipple roughly with his teeth. Gojyo groaned, and he moved back up to his ear, tongue painting a trail as he went. "Is that what you want, Gojyo?" he paused to nip his lovers ear, and reveled in the shiver that passed through the body underneath him.

"You want me to punish you?" he nipped the tan ear again, hand trailing down to caress Gojyo's entrance. "You want me to spank you?" his finger teased around the edges, then moved back up, and Gojyo whimpered in frustration. "Do you want me to fuck you through the mattress?" he growled, and squeezed the head of Gojyo's erection. The redhead bucked beneath him, and shook his head yes. "Well the food is on the way, so it'll have to wait." He left a chaste kiss on his lovers lips, grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top, tossed them on, and left the room.

As he made his way down the hallway, he heard a very loud growl coming from the bedroom. _Revenge is sweet_ he thought, even though he was as hard as a rock. _Next time… tease him… not me…_ He made a mental note, pressed the button to get his fireplace started, and lit some candles. He grabbed some plates and silverware, and set them on the coffee table. He looked through all his wine, grabbed a deep merlot, and some glasses, and put them on the coffee table as well. Apparently, the redhead had no intention of coming to dinner, so Sanzo decided to go find him.

When he went back into the bedroom, he nearly fell over in surprise. Gojyo was penetrating himself, his hard cock waving in the breeze, and he had a look on his a face so tawdry, that Sanzo's mouth went dry. His mind stopped working, and he was overcome by the need to touch. "Ah, Ah, Ah. Stop right there." Gojyo husked, and he froze. His digits pulled out, he plopped back onto the bed, circled the tip of his erection, and moaned in response. _So fucking beau…_ but his brain short-circuited, when the redhead licked his lips and drawled, "I wish your thick cock was inside me right now."

Sanzo took a few steps closer, but stopped when he received an admonishing look. _Oh… we've played this game before…_ Gojyo liked to force Sanzo to watch while he masturbated, but he never let him touch. He wasn't even allowed to pleasure himself. It was a dirty trick he used to get Sanzo in the mood, when he was busy with work, and it never failed. Gojyo grasped his cock, and slid his hand up and down his length. Sanzo took another couple of steps closer, Gojyo was panting and moaning, and his body vibrated in response.

He took a few more steps until he was at the foot of the bed, as Gojyo continued to stroke his length. "God I want you inside me so bad… I want you to fill me… I want you to make me scream… so ready for you…" Precum was pouring out of Gojyo's tip as he worked himself. Sanzo planted a knee on the bed, and hovered over his lover. Gojyo's breaths turned into harsh pants, "Sanzo… having you watch me is so hot…" he pumped furiously and within moments he came into his own hand.

Gojyo raised his fingers to his lips, and licked away his own come. He stuck out a finger, and Sanzo swiped his tongue across the tip. There was something about tasting Gojyo's seed that always made him lose control. He growled, slid between Gojyo's thighs, and gripped his hips roughly. Gojyo flipped them over, and positioned Sanzo at his entrance, as he ran his fingernails over hard flesh. He eased Sanzo in just past the pucker and stopped. Sanzo growled, "Gojyo…"

"What's wrong?"

"Want… to… be… inside…" he grit out.

"I bet you do," Gojyo said with a smirk, and practically pranced off to find something to wear. _Fucking bastard…_Sanzo thought as he laid there in misery. His cock was throbbing, and his whole body was itching to find release. Apparently, Gojyo wasn't one to be outdone at his own game. _I promise I won't tease him… ever… ever… EVER… again…_ he thought as he looked down at his poor neglected cock.

He forced himself to move when he caught a tantalizing scent in the air. _Italian?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Sanzo?"

"Hmmm?" he said as he caressed his lovers shoulder.

"You've never told me about your family before," the redhead said, as he traced circles over his lovers knee, "What are they like?"

Sanzo starred at the fire for several minutes before answering. "Not much to tell really. My mother died when I was twelve, and my dad is… my dad."

"Sanzo!" Gojyo growled, "I really want to know."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Sanzo raised his eyebrow. "How did your mother die?"

"Cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago," Sanzo said with a scowl.

"So… tell me something else…"

Sanzo stiffened, "I don't really…"

"Oh come on, Sanzo. I've told you so much about me. How I grew up, the people I lived with, everything, but I know next to nothing about you."

"Why does it matter?" he sighed, sat up, and lit a cigarette.

"Because your past made you who you are and…"

"Goddamn it, Gojyo. Did you ever think that maybe I don't want to talk about my past, because it's fucked up? That maybe I don't want to talk about my family, because I hate my fucking family? Huh? And it's not like I ever asked to hear about your first pet, or your first fuck. You shared all that shit with me by choice." Sanzo was pacing across his living room like a caged animal. He stopped when he heard a low growl.

"You're right," Gojyo whispered, his face steely, and his eyes pained. "I did volunteer all that stuff. Far be it for me to believe that you wanted to get to know me better. That maybe I was a little more than a piece of fucking ass. My mistake." Gojyo stood up, went into the bedroom, and slammed the door behind him.

"Fuck," he muttered as he took another drag. He took the time to finish his cigarette, he wanted to cool off, and went down the hallway. When he got to the door he knocked, but there was no answer. He pressed his ear to the door, and he could hear muffled curses and what sounded vaguely like crying. _I'm such a fucking bastard…_

Sanzo opened the door quietly, and leaned against the door frame, watching Gojyo pack his things. The redhead turned to face him, fury written all over his face, "Go away… I don't want to talk right now. I'll be out of here in a minute. Just leave me alone."

_I don't want you to go_, he thought, but knew he couldn't tell him that. It wouldn't be that simple. If he wanted his lover to stay he was going to have to do something drastic. He approached him slowly, "Gojyo, I…" but he didn't know what to say, so he pulled the redhead into an embrace.

Gojyo fought against him, "Don't touch…"

"My mother's name was Kanzeon." Gojyo stopped trying to escape the embrace, and looked at him curiously. His past was where he hid all his wounds, and if Gojyo wanted to know, he'd tell him. Anything had to be better than his love leaving. "She was the most beautiful woman in the world. I know a lot of kids think that about their mothers when they're young, and it changes as they get older… but as I've grown up… I've only become more convinced that it's fact." He pulled Gojyo to the bed, and when his lover laid down, he laid next to him and pulled the redhead into the crook of his shoulder.

"She was everything that a mother should be. She was soft and gentle, had a warm welcoming smile, and delicate laugh. She had the most beautiful voice. She used to sing to me all the time. And she was a great artist. I still have some of her paintings in my office at work. She was a lot of fun. She used to… make up all kinds of crazy games and we'd play them together. But she wasn't just a good mom, you know? She was an amazing woman too. She was strong, street smart, well educated, and had great business sense. A real woman of the 90's. Anyway… when I was ten, she got sick, stage four. It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me."

"Why?" Gojyo asked, fingers playing across alabaster skin.

"Because stage four is terminal. I was old enough to know she was going to die, and I was petrified."

"Death can be scary at that age," Gojyo said comfortingly

"That's not it." Sanzo said. "In some sort of twisted way, I was happy for my mother, because she would finally be able to get away from my father. She loved him so much. She bent over backwards to exceed all his expectations, but it was never enough. Especially when he decided that he wanted me to do something. If I didn't want to do it, she would try and convince him, and when she pushed too hard he…"

"He what?" Gojyo asked, but Sanzo couldn't answer. "That bad?" tender eyes asked, but he didn't respond. Gojyo kissed him delicately. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. You don't have to tell me anymore."

"No, you should know about my past. Maybe it will help you understand me better." He took a moment to clear his head, and continued. "He hurt her so many times. It was always my fault. She was just trying to protect me. She didn't want him putting all that pressure on a little kid," he said and Gojyo nodded in understanding.

"After two years of suffering, she finally passed away, at home, in bed. I was there, holding her hand. My dad… was at work. I was so happy that she didn't have to be in pain anymore, but at the same time I was terrified. I was smart enough to realize everything was going to change. My mother had always kept my father off my back, and without her there, I knew hell was waiting for me."

"What happened next?"

"After her funeral, my father took me into his office, and sat me down, and told me that I was an adult now, and that adults don't linger. He forbid me from crying. He took all her pictures down, tossed all her things, and tried to throw away all her paintings. I took the ones she gave me, and hid them in the basement. Those are the ones I have in my office."

"That's…"

"My father is the very definition of manipulation and control. Every blink… every breath… controlled. He's like a robot. He never smiles, or frowns. His face is just blank. Even his eyes… Frozen… I have no idea how my mother ever fell in love with him. They were complete opposites. He twists and turns everything until he gets his way. He has to have HIS way. That's the most important thing in the world to him. Everyone around him has to follow HIS plan."

"But… couldn't you have…"

"No." When Gojyo frowned he brushed his bangs from his face. "Trust me on this. There's no way past it," Sanzo laughed but it didn't reach his eyes. "When I was fifteen I told my dad I wanted to go to art school. I'd been painting since I was twelve, and it turns out that I had some real talent. Anyway, all my dad said was no. Not maybe, not we'll discuss it. Just one cold hard word, NO. When I pushed it, he just told me that I wasn't a child anymore, and I had to learn to put away childish things."

"So you gave up? Just like that?"

"No, I gave up after he sent me to some hoods in the woods type program. I was stuck in the freezing cold, in the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of juvenile delinquents. When I told the other kids that I was there because I asked my dad if I could go to art school, they tortured me. I spent two and a half months getting the crap kicked out of me, in the middle of the fucking mountains. One night I was sitting by the fire, I had a bloody nose, split lip, and my ribs were killing me. I was so tired of getting jumped, that I told one of my counselors that I didn't even want to go to art school anymore. That I'd be happy just to get the hell out of Colorado. My father mysteriously showed up the next day, to pick me up."

"Really? Wow… That's…"

"Yeah… I know. He's a bastard, and he always gets what he wants. I even ended up in a bunch of relationships, with women I couldn't stand, just because I wanted to make him happy, because then maybe he'd back the fuck off for once. He's…" Sanzo sighed, trying to find the right words. "If he can't force you, buy you, or sell you, he's happy to break you, and then recreate you. He molded me into the perfect son. I graduated high school early. Got early acceptance to NYU. I got my bachelors in what he wanted me to. I work where he wants me to work. I turned out exactly the way he wanted me to, and it makes me sick."

"Sanzo…"

"It's okay. I'm used to it now. I don't even put up a fight anymore. I've learned how to pretend to be everything he expects me to be. It's the life I was born into, and I'm fine with it."

"No, Sanzo, it's not fine," Gojyo said as he sat up. "He had you wrapped so tight you just buried away everything that made you, you. It's not right, it's bullshit!" Gojyo said angrily, as he looked into his loves eyes. "Living that many years with all your passion hidden away…"

Sanzo smiled reassuringly. "Obviously, that's not a problem anymore."

Gojyo hugged him tightly, and drew him into a long kiss. When he pulled back he looked Sanzo in the eyes and smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Telling me about your family."

"Probably not what you thought it would be."

"No, it wasn't, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you finally opened up to me." Gojyo dropped several kisses along his face and neck, and moved lower, lips, teeth, and tongue, setting him on fire. "Besides, you've got me now, and I'll protect you."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo checked himself out in his rearview mirror, and frowned. _Maybe he won't notice…_ Deciding that his father would most definitely notice, he pulled out his hair tie, and fixed the stray hairs that were out of place. He got out of his Mercedes, and made his way into the house where he'd grown up. His father had asked him to breakfast, which was something he didn't usually do, so he was expecting the worst.

When he got to the dining room his father was wearing a 5,000 dollar suit, his hair meticulously combed back, and a newspaper in front of his face. The paper tipped down in the corner, and he got a good look at the monster that hid in his closet. "Ah, Sanzo, welcome. Please have a seat."

Sanzo bowed stiffly, "Father," and sat down.

"How are you, Sanzo?"

_Of fuck…_ When his father took the time to mince words, and exchange pleasantries, it was always an incredibly bad sign. "I've been well," he said and took a sip of orange juice. "How are you?"

"Very well, I've been enjoying my retirement. After all, I deserve it. How are things at the office?"

"Good. Good," he said as he fidgeted in his seat. His father hated it when he squirmed, but sitting in front of his father was like being in front of a judge. He always felt like a criminal, a three time loser, looking at life.

"It's been very busy lately, I assume?"

"Yes. We have some new investors."

"Excellent. I've had a very busy and interesting week myself."

"Really?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found another investor."

"Who?"

"Nataku Touten."

"But I thought that after everything that happened with Mei he refused to do business with our family ever again."

"He did, but I've reconciled our differences."

"How?" he asked suspiciously.

"You're going to marry Mei."

_What!_ "Mei and I already tried things. It didn't work out," he replied tightly.

"I'm well aware of that, but she's still in love with you. Her father is worth millions, and when you marry Mei, those millions will benefit Zenon industries," Shuuei said easily.

"I can't marry Mei."

"You can, and you will."

"No, I can't. I'm already…"

"Yes I know. I'm well aware of your… gay… lover…" he said with disgust.

"How could you possibly…"

"I'm not without my resources, Sanzo," he said haughtily.

"Then you already know that I can't marry Mei. So what am I doing here?"

"Who is he?"

Sanzo gave a sigh of relief. _He doesn't know his name… I guess his resources aren't as impressive as he would like everyone to believe. _"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. You are the CEO of Zenon Industries, and soon you'll be the figurehead of the Douji name. This family will not be represented by an abomination."

"It's not an abomination. I'm in love with him."

"We all have to make sacrifices."

"No, not this time. I won't!"

"You most certainly will."

"This isn't about painting, or my hair, or school!" Sanzo growled. "This is my life we're talking about. There's no way in hell I'm going to marry Mei. I refuse to hurt him that way. I won't give in this time."

"This matter can be easily resolved."

"How?" he demanded.

"If this man loves you as much as you love him, then he'll understand."

"Understand what?"

"That you have a duty to this family that you can't ignore."

"What duty?"

"To produce a legitimate heir, and extend our familial line."

"An heir? You're tearing my life apart, for a fucking heir?" he growled. He was starting to lose his cool.

"My name must go on."

"I refuse to give up my feelings or my relationship. Not for this family, our company, or anything else in this world. I'm sorry father, but you and your ego just aren't worth that much. Not to me." He got up and marched towards the door.

"Tell me, Sanzo, have you ever heard of a band called Essential Vex?" Sanzo froze in the doorway. _But he said… _"Their lyrics are quite entertaining, wouldn't you say? The lead singer, Gojyo Taishou is a very talented man. It would be a shame if something were to happen to him, wouldn't it?" he asked smugly.

_Conniving son of a bitch…_

"What do you want from me?" he asked as he turned to his father, resignation written in his posture.

"Sanzo, you are going to marry Mei, and produce an heir, weather you like it or not. It's your job to do what's best for this family, and our company."

I can't give him up… I can't live without him…

"If I marry Mei, you'll leave him alone, right?"

"Yes."

Sanzo bowed, and practically fled for the front door, with as much dignity as he could muster. He got into his car, turned the key, pounded the gas, and left his family house of horrors far behind…


	6. Chapter 5

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so hopefully there should be very few grammatical errors.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Self Sacrifice**

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo rolled over in bed and growled. _What the hell? What's that noise?_ "Gojyo…" _Sanzo?_ He took a closer listen, and realized the banging was coming from his front door.

"Be right there," Gojyo called, as he crawled out from beneath the covers, and threw on pajama bottoms. _What's he doing here? Isn't he supposed to be at work?_ Gojyo pulled the door open, just as Sanzo was about to knock again. Sanzo was wearing a fancy suit, his typically perfectly groomed hair was in disarray, and he was panting. "San… Sanzo? Are you alright?"

But he didn't answer. He pushed past the redhead, almost roughly, and dropped onto the couch. _Something is definitely wrong. It's only_… Gojyo looked at the clock on the wall… _noon, and he's already here. He obviously hasn't been to work yet. I wonder if there's something I can do?_ Gojyo looked over at his love once more, his eyes worried, and went into the kitchen to brew some tea.

_Oolong or Earl Gray? Well Sanzo hates Earl Gray, so... _Gojyo poured some water into the pot, and placed it on the stove. He lit a cigarette, and watched the flames dance, as they brought his water to a boil. He lost himself in the flickers, and two arms wrapped around his waist, catching him off guard. He felt a nose nestle in his short crimson locks, and take a sniff, Sanzo loved his shampoo. "Sanzo?" he asked breathlessly. He turned to face his lover, and the arms drew him in closer. "What's wrong?"

Sanzo stared into his eyes for what seemed an eternity, kissed his forehead delicately, and with a growl made his way back into the living room. Gojyo was about to go after him, when the kettle chirped, so he poured the water into a tea pot, grabbed some cups, and put them all on a tray. When he made his way into the living room, he was nearly ploughed into by his pacing boyfriend. Setting the tray on the coffee table, he took a seat, and watched his lover wear a hole in his carpet. _When he's ready to talk, he will…_

Gojyo snubbed out his cigarette, and poured himself a cup of tea. He relaxed into his beat up old couch, took a sip, and settled in to wait. He didn't have to wait long. After he set his cup back on the table, Sanzo made his way over, and kneeled in front of him. _What the hell is he doing?_ "Go…" but he didn't finish, he simply placed his head on Gojyo's lap. _ Sanzo? This is bad… I've never seen him like this before…_ Gojyo pulled out his hair tie, and ran gentle fingers through golden tresses.

"Iloveyou…"

"What?"

Sanzo looked up and smiled weakly, "I love you."

"I love you too. You know that. What's wrong?"

"Gojyo…"

"What is it?"

Whatever it is, it's bad… really… really bad… Sanzo stood up, and frowned. "It's over, Gojyo. I have to go." With that he turned on his heel, and walked stiffly towards the door.

_Over… Over… Over…_ The word was echoing in his head, and he was so shocked he almost let Sanzo leave. "Sanzo…" he called, and caught his wrist. "What the hell is going on?" _Why is he doing this?_

"Just what I said. It's over. Let me go."

"Not until you tell me why."

"Because it is…"

"That's not an answer," Gojyo said through grit teeth.

"Yes it is. It's my answer," Sanzo said frigidly.

That's the best he can do? Gojyo released his wrist, and said, "Fine. Go then." He walked over to the couch and lit a cigarette. Sanzo opened the door, and as he made his way out Gojyo whispered, "My heart my life my soul." When Sanzo stopped mid-step he almost felt smug. "Maybe you should take this with you. If I don't deserve an explanation, I'm obviously not worthy of such a meaningful gift." His eyes were glued to the floor, and fluttered shut. Would his love stay, or would he run?

The door clicked shut, and Gojyo slid his eyes to the door. Sanzo was standing in front of the door, forehead pressed against the wood. Gojyo couldn't, wouldn't, speak. This was all on Sanzo now. It was several minutes before Sanzo spoke, the silence pushing in around them. "Ihavetogetmarried."

"Speak up."

"I'm getting married," Sanzo yelled, as he whipped around to face Sanzo, something akin to desperation in his eyes.

"What?" Gojyo asked incredulously. "You asked me to move in with you, but you're already engaged?"

"I wasn't. Well… not until today, anyway."

"I don't understand."

"My father has chosen a wife for me. I have to marry her."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. He knows about you, and…"

"So what if he does?"

Sanzo walked over to Gojyo, and took his hands, in his own. "My mother suffered for me, over and over. I refuse to let it happen again. You are the most important thing in the world to me, and if something ever happened to you… I… I don't know what I'd do."

Gojyo brushed silken locks from his face, and gave a half smile. "I'm not sure I really understand what the problem is here. Nothing's going to happen to me. I can take care of myself."

"He… he…"

"He what?"

"He threatened you."

"WHAT?"

That mother fucker…

"He said he would hurt you."

"He came right out and told you that he would hurt me if you didn't marry this woman? What an asshole."

"Well not in so many words."

"What? That doesn't make any sense."

"Just trust me on this. He threatened your well being, and I won't let that happen. I'm sorry."

"He can't hurt me. Everything's going to be fine. We'll figure it out."

"No, we won't. The only way I can guarantee your safety is by marrying Mei. It's what I have to do." Sanzo pressed their lips together, and Gojyo sighed. The kiss was slow and passionate, filled with longing and sadness. It's sweetness almost brought tears to his eyes. Sanzo left a fleeting brush of lips across his forehead, made his way to the front door, and opened it.

On his way out he added, "This is the only sacrifice I've ever had to make for my father that I'm proud of. I love you so goddamn much. I…" he ran fingers through blonde locks and let out a sigh. "Take care of yourself." Just like that, he was gone. Gojyo pulled his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, and huddled his head against his thighs.

_Sanzo…_

He spent the next several hours debating with himself. While he admired the integrity behind Sanzo's knight in shining armor routine, he was no fair maiden. Ever since he first met Sanzo, he'd known he was in trouble, but he wasn't a damsel in distress. Life throws all kinds of crazy things in your path, and he'd never had a problem taking care of himself. In the end, though, all the trouble had been worth it. Sanzo was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he felt empty now.

Of all the things that ran through his head, there was only one question he needed to answer. _How much am I willing to give up?_ Could he leave his band behind, his friends, his brother, all to be with Sanzo? What was he willing to risk? In the end, the answer was always the same…

_Everything…_

There wasn't a single thing in this world that was more important to him, then Sanzo. He wasn't going to give HIS blonde up without a fight. He wanted and needed Sanzo, and it didn't matter what the cost was. Having made up his mind, there was only one thing left to do…

He needed a plan…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello?"

"Sanzo…"

"Go-Gojyo?" the surprised voice on the other end asked. They hadn't spoken since that afternoon, and that had been almost six weeks ago. Gojyo had wanted to wait, even though it pained him, so that Sanzo would really miss him, and his call would be better received.

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

"Well, I was wondering if…"

"What?" the honey smooth voice asked curiously.

"I know we aren't together anymore, but…"

"What is it, Gojyo? What's wrong?" Sanzo asked worriedly.

"I just… even though we aren't together anymore, can we still be friends? Hang out?"

"Go…"

"I was just wondering," he said cutting Sanzo off, "because I… miss you."

"I… miss you too."

"Well, I'm going to be at Decadence tonight, if you care to join me. I mean… if we're seen there together, it could just be a coincidence, you know? It's a popular place and..."

"Sure, I'd like that."

"Really?" Gojyo asked as innocently as possible.

"Of course. I'll meet you in VIP, say… 10:30?"

"Okay, see you then."

Gojyo took extra time getting ready. He took an extra long, and very hot soothing shower. Took the time to blow dry his hair, even styled it. This was the kind of attention he put into getting ready for a concert, but he was going to get his man back tonight, so he had to look good. He grabbed a box of chocolate covered strawberries, Sanzo's favorite, from the fridge, and left for the bar.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he got to Decadence, Sanzo had yet to arrive. He made his way over to VIP, and smiled as Kaiga let him pass. Apparently, he was expected. He set the box on the table, and reclined on the couch. While he waited, he ran his fingers over the hard muscles of his stomach, absentmindedly. _Hurry up… where is…_

But before he could even finish that thought, he caught sunshine locks out of the corner of his eye. He looked up, and they made eye contact, as Sanzo stood in the doorway. He was wearing low slung skin tight black leather pants, and a black velvet vest, no shirt. Gojyo gulped before he stood in greeting, and gave Sanzo a small hug, and a tiny kiss on the cheek. "How are you?"

Sanzo smiled, and made his way over to the couch. "Good. Good. Busy."

"You're always busy. Oh, I got you something?"

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. I was on my way here when I saw them, and thought of you. Here," he said and handed him the pink box, that he'd actually picked up yesterday.

Sanzo looked at it curiously, and slid the black ribbon off the box. He opened the lid, and smiled. "Thank you. You know how much I love these."

"Your welcome. One condition…" Sanzo only raised an eyebrow "…You have to share."

"I can do that," he said, and handed one to Gojyo.

Gojyo took it, and took a bite, making sure to give a slight moan of satisfaction. Sanzo's breath stilled at the sound, and Gojyo smiled. _This is going to be easier then I thought._ He made sure to lick the left over chocolate off his fingers, sucking each finger into his mouth as he went. This time Sanzo muffled a groan, but Gojyo heard it. "These are so good."

"Uhhh… yeah…" Sanzo laughed awkwardly "…They're very good."

After a few more drinks, Gojyo grabbed the last strawberry from the box, while Sanzo wasn't looking. He waited for Sanzo to turn around, and look into the box before he brought it to his lips. Sanzo watched sadly, as the red strawberry moved into his mouth, but Gojyo stopped and looked at him in question. "I'm sorry. Do you want this one?"

"Uhhh… no, go ahead."

"We could share… Here," he said, and placed it at the tip of Sanzo's lips. Sanzo took a bite, and he took the second bite, moaning with delight. Sanzo stiffened at the sound, but didn't make any overt gestures. When they made eye contact, Gojyo let a smooth tongue flick out to remove the chocolate on his lips. This time Sanzo let out a small whimper, and Gojyo grinned triumphantly in his head. _Been a long time, huh?_ He casually looked Sanzo over, and caught sight of…

"If you'll excuse me," Sanzo said with a nod, and made his way to the private bathroom, in the back of the VIP section. _I saw that… He can't hide something like that from me… but I'm glad he tried_…During a mission such as this, one should never underestimate the value of privacy. With a smirk, Gojyo stood up, and followed him into the bathroom.

When he opened the door, Sanzo was standing by the sink, his hair slightly damp. _Trying to cool off, eh? Not tonight_, he thought as he locked the door. He walked over and placed his hands on Sanzo's hips. "Are you alright?" he asked as his fingertips fluttered over the sensitive pale skin there.

"Yeah, fine," he said, and moved against the grip on his hips, and the fingers igniting a small fire, that he knew would quickly rage out of control.

"You sure?" Gojyo asked as his hands slipped into the vest. Sanzo groaned aloud as nails raked down his pale chest. "Because I could have sworn you were…" Gojyo's hands moved lower "…painfully swollen…" he purred into Sanzo's ear, and squeezed the head of his erection. Sanzo bucked against his hand, and whimpered.

"Uhhh… Gojyo…" Sanzo tried "…please… what… friends…" but all that came out was jumbled words.

"Sanzo, I'm not giving you up without a fight." Gojyo growled, and turned Sanzo to face him, pouring everything he felt into one soul-shattering kiss. Sanzo sagged against him, and he stroked his clothed erection through his pants. "Do you want me, Sanzo?"

"Yes…" came the breathless reply, as Sanzo rubbed himself against the hand, that tortured, and pleasured him like no other. Gojyo pushed him to sit on the counter, and pushed his vest off. He attacked one nipple, swirling his tongue around the tip, and gave it a small bite. Sanzo arched into his mouth, and groaned, as his tongue painted a trail to the neglected nipple. After giving that one the same treatment, he moved down, and unbuttoned Sanzo's pants, setting him free.

He was a deep red, swollen, thick, and soaking wet. Gojyo wanted to weep at the sight of his magnificent cock. _God I've missed this…_ Sanzo leaned back, and Gojyo pressed his lips to his hip bones, dropping rough nibbles across the slightly paler skin there. "Go… stop… tease… too long…" Sanzo whimpered, and Gojyo took pity on him. He flitted his tongue across the tip, and then buried Sanzo in the back of his throat. His fingers traced circles on the back of Sanzo's knees, where he was especially responsive, and sucked him furiously.

Sanzo was right, it had been way too long, and he needed to be inside. Nothing else mattered, not right now. "Gojyo…" Sanzo was trying desperately to push himself in further, but Gojyo stilled him, running his teeth up the blonde's length. Sanzo bucked again, he let it go. There was something incredibly erotic about this man, and only this man, fucking his mouth. A hand fell to his hair, holding him in place. His tongue slithered up along the vein, Sanzo's erection slamming in and out of his mouth.

"Oh… God, Gojyo…" the plea was almost desperate. Gojyo took his length into the farthest reaches of his throat, as Sanzo snapped his hips up. Sanzo growled, and pushed him down a bit further, Gojyo, taking the hint, hummed over the tip. Sanzo screamed out his name, seed spilled down his throat, and he sucked eagerly, taking in every drop.

When the fingers let go of his hair, he pulled up, and smiled. "Feeling better, Sanzo?" But Sanzo didn't say anything. He slipped off the counter, and pulled Gojyo in for a kiss. It was rough and demanding, tongues battling for dominance.

He pushed Sanzo back, and looked into violet eyes. They were on fire, and threatened to burn him up from the inside out. Sanzo bit into his own lip, as if in restraint, blood trickled down, and Gojyo moved in to lap at it. As soon as his tongue touched the soft flesh of his lip, Sanzo growled, and pushed him away. _What the hell?_

Gojyo watched with fascination, as Sanzo pushed his pants to his knees, and bent over the sink, one hand spreading his cheeks. For a moment Gojyo was too dumbstruck to move. Sanzo caught his eyes in the mirror and in a voice, Gojyo was sure was reserved for his subordinates said, "Gojyo, if you don't get over here and fuck me right now… I swear to god…"

But that was all the prompting he needed. He unbuckled his belt, unzipped, and pulled himself out of his pants, stroking a few times for good measure. He slipped three fingers into his mouth, and slid his tongue around them quickly, his eyes meeting Sanzo's in the mirror. He pulled his fingers from his lips, and slid one finger into Sanzo's heat and almost groaned at the feel, it had been so very long.

He moved his finger around to loosen Sanzo slightly, and then added a second finger. He scissored his fingers, trying to be as gentle as possible. When he attempted to enter another finger, Sanzo growled. "No… just fuck me now… too long…" Gojyo couldn't believe he was being commanded. Hadn't it been his plan to seduce Sanzo? Now he was following orders…

He spit into each palm, and ran them over his straining erection, then pushed inside, and Sanzo bit his lip to detract from the pain. Before he even had the chance to revel in the feeling, Sanzo pushed back against him. "Sanzo… baby…" he said as he caressed his back "…So tight… you feel so good… been missing you…"

With that he set a slow deliberate pace. His hips pushed forward strongly, Sanzo met him halfway with equal diligence. He watched Sanzo in the mirror, saw his face, the look in his eyes, and almost came right then and there. _Looks so fucking beautiful…_ "Look in the mirror, Sanzo…" but Sanzo was too lost in the sensations to hear him. He landed a particularly hard thrust, directly against his lovers prostate, and Sanzo's eyes shot to his in the mirror.

When he caught sight of their reflection, him pressed against the counter, Gojyo working behind him, he gave a loud growl, and pushed back even harder. _Thought that might do it for you…_ Once he was sliding more freely, his precum easing the way, he picked up his pace, thrusting faster, pushing harder. He reached around to grasp his lovers neglected cock, and stroked him in opposite time to his thrusts.

Gojyo knew his lover was close. He rammed in, hitting just the right spot, and squeezed Sanzo's tip roughly. "Go…" but it turned into a howl, as Sanzo came, stream after stream spraying against the red bathroom tile. Sanzo tightened around him like a vice, and he nearly blacked out as he thrust a few more times. He filled his lover with his essence, marking him for life.

He pulled Sanzo to him by the hair, and claimed him with a kiss as well. _Mine!_ When he let go, Sanzo rested himself against the counter, his breaths coming out in short pants. As he came down from his orgasm, he ran fingers through golden locks. He was still inside his lover, when Sanzo spoke. "Did you mean what you said?"

They made eye contact through the mirror, "Yes. I'm not going anywhere. If you have to marry Mei, so be it."

"But, Gojyo…"

"I love you too much to let go, just because your father is a bastard. I won't do it."

"I really don't think…"

Gojyo pulled out carefully, turned Sanzo to face him, and kissed him passionately. "Look, let's just give it a shot, okay? If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I'm willing to try. I need to try. You're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, I need you, and I love you with everything I have. How do I walk away from that?"

Sanzo pressed their foreheads together, and sighed. "Then let's give it a go. I need you too, and…"

"I know…" Gojyo said, and pressed their lips together. He turned Sanzo around, and left small nibbles across the alabaster skin of his shoulder. Sanzo eased himself forward, and Gojyo ran his tongue down Sanzo's spine. They made eye contact in the mirror once more, and lost themselves in the all-consuming fire, that always blazed around them.

_I hope this works out_, he thought as he plunged into velvet heat, and took his soul mate again.


	7. Chapter 6

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Shackles Of Life**

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo strolled around his slightly used apartment. It had been Sanzo's idea to rent him this place, for its prime location. It was right next door to Hakkai's, but without him here, it felt empty. Sanzo had stayed over almost every night, for the last three months, but last night, he'd slept alone. Gojyo curled up against the arm of Sanzo's old couch, and smiled. He truly loved this couch. It held so many memories.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, and frowned. Today was the day, and it was making him nauseous. His stomach roiled, and he'd been unable to keep anything down for the last few days. He wasn't so much nervous, as afraid of what was to come. Today his love would swear eternal love to another, and she would take his name. Today Sanzo became a husband to a wife he didn't love.

The very idea made Gojyo cringe. Sanzo's father really was a conniving manipulative machine, with little, if any, compassion for his son. Gojyo was an orphan, bounced from foster home to foster home, until he was sixteen, when Jien, had taken him in for good. Strangely, he'd received more love from those pretend families then Sanzo did from his actual father. It broke Gojyo's heart. Sanzo was the most amazing man he'd ever met, and his own father couldn't even see it.

_I… Maybe I could call him? Just to hear his voice…_

Gojyo knew this would be the last chance he would have, for the next two weeks. He looked at the clock, and stifled a groan. "Shit!" It was later then he'd realized, and he was too late. Sanzo was already married, and probably at the reception. This whole situation was getting to him more than he was willing to admit, and he wanted to go take a long bath, but was afraid his knees would give, so he stayed curled up against the velvety black fabric. His mind and body gave way, searching to escape his insecurities. _I'll just have to wait…_

Gojyo was shocked awake by a strange sensation against his thigh. _What the hell?_He reached around in the dark, searching for the offending item, and as he pulled out his cell phone, it vibrated in his hand. He flipped it open sleepily and growled, "Yeah?"

"Gojyo," a voice whispered into his ear.

"Sanzo?"

"Yeah, baby. Were you sleeping?"

"MMHM…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to hear your voice before I left."

"It's okay. Where are you?"

"The airport."

"Oh…" he said, and his heart clenched. They were leaving for their honeymoon in Maui soon. The very idea that HIS man, HIS lover, HIS… everything… was going off to some tropical paradise, with his blushing, _fat and ugly_, Gojyo added mentally… bride for two weeks, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I don't have much time, but…"

"It's okay. I understand," he whispered, unsure why he was whispering. Perhaps it was his loves lowered voice. Then again… _I am a secret now…_

"I wanted to tell you that I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Gojyo mumbled, tears stinging his eyes.

"Hold on…" Sanzo said, and Gojyo frowned. He heard mumbled words before Sanzo returned and said, "I have to go, our flight just got called for boarding."

"Okay." Gojyo was about to hang up when he heard a sigh. He lifted the phone to his ear, and couldn't help the warmth that radiated through his body at what he heard.

"I love you, so fucking much, Gojyo. You make my life worth living. I can't wait to get back to you," Sanzo said, with more passion then Gojyo had ever heard him use before.

"I love you too, Sanzo. See you soon." When he heard the click signaling him that the call had ended he got up, and made his way into the bedroom. From the bottom drawer of the dresser he pulled out a well worn newspaper, and opened it after he sat down Indian style on the bed. Before him was the wedding announcement that had been printed in every newspaper in the city, along with a small article, and a photo of the 'happy' couple.

He took a good look at the woman in the photo. She wasn't striking, but she wasn't ugly either. She was merely plain, long pale hair, neutral eyes, sallow skin, and a small nose that flicked up at the tip. She was petite in stature, but the clincher, was her smile. She had a gorgeous smile that lit up her whole face, and let you see inside who she was. She was kind, of that much Gojyo was certain, and it filled him with guilt. But… he'd chosen to stick it out, and it was too late to turn back now.

_What the hell have I gotten myself into?_, Gojyo thought, as he felt himself being overcome by the faces in the photo. Jealousy was an emotion he wasn't comfortable feeling, and yet there it was. He was vastly envious of a woman he'd never met, and would probably never meet, simply because she'd married the man he loved. _I have no reason to be jealous_, he assured himself, _Sanzo loves me. And I have no reason to feel guilty_, he thought heatedly, _She's the home-wrecker here, not me!_

It all sounded good, but the more he stared at the photo the more apprehensive he became. Tonight… his lover would take someone else into his bed… The idea left Gojyo running to the bathroom. The taste of bile was strong in his throat, as he pulled himself from the floor in front of the toilet, and rinsed out his mouth. He pulled off his clothes, and took a long hot bath.

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stood adjusting his tie in the mirror. The last six months had been a whirlwind, and he couldn't believe it was already time. In just a few minutes he would sign his life away, for his father, his father's enormous ego, and Zenon Industries. He was the son of the devil, of that much he was sure. All he really wanted to do was call Gojyo, but his father hovered around him, and he wasn't going to risk it.

"Sanzo?" his father called, "Come sit down for a moment."

"What is it?" he asked somberly.

"Are you still seeing that musician?" Sanzo flinched, he didn't want to answer, for Gojyo's sake, and that seemed to be answer enough for his father. "I thought so," he said fingers adjusting his own tie.

"Father…" Sanzo began, but his father shushed him.

"I don't care what you do with your personal time. That's your business. But it must never see the light of day. If Mei ever found out, she would be devastated, and Nataku would pull all his funds from the company. Don't screw this up!" his father growled, and left him alone with his thoughts. Well, really there was just one…

Gojyo…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before he knew it, he was at the airport ready to leave for his honeymoon. He felt like his whole life was on fast forward, and it was spinning quickly out of his control. The last several hours were a haze, almost like a bad dream, but it had been real. The proof was sitting right next to him, holding his hand, wearing a ring, and chatting animatedly. The realization of just what he was in for was like a bag of bricks on his chest. _Air… Air… Need fucking air!_ Sanzo thought frantically as he shook her hand off. When she looked at him curiously, he smiled tightly. "Be right back, going to the bathroom." She smiled back, and he practically ran to the bathroom.

When he reached the restroom, he splashed some water on his face, and frowned. _Sanzo, get a hold of yourself. You can do this!_ He needed to find a way to calm down. He leaned forward, and his jacket banged against the sink, with a loud clank. _What the hell?_ He reached into his pocket, and found, to his delight, his cell phone. Without a moments hesitation, he sealed himself in a stall, and used speed dial number one.

"Yeah?" a mumbled voice spoke.

"Gojyo," he whispered into the phone.

"Sanzo?" Gojyo said, sleep evident in his tone.

"Yeah, baby. Were you sleeping?"

"MMHM…" Gojyo said with a bit of a yawn.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to hear your voice before I left," he said, and he had. He not only wanted, but needed to hear his love one more time. Two weeks was a long time…

"It's okay. Where are you?" Gojyo asked his voice losing it's sleepy lilt.

"The airport," he said with a sigh.

"Oh…"

_He sounds so sad_, Sanzo thought, wishing desperately, that he could hold the redhead in his arms right now. "I don't have much time, but…"

"It's okay. I understand," he whispered back.

"I wanted to tell you that I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Gojyo mumbled, and Sanzo heard him sniffle.

"Sanzo?" he heard someone call from outside the bathroom door.

"Hold on…" he told his love, and pushed the phone down, covering the ear piece. "What is it?"

"It's time to board the plane, honey," Mei called.

"Okay, be out in one second," he told her, even though he wanted to stay in the bathroom all night, on the phone with Gojyo. "I have to go, our flight just got called for boarding," he told the redhead.

"Okay," Gojyo said sadly.

Sanzo shook at the sadness in his lovers voice, and his heart clenched. "I love you, so fucking much, Gojyo. You make my life worth living. I can't wait to get back to you."

"I love you too, Sanzo. See you soon," Gojyo said, in a honey smooth voice, filled with love, and Sanzo smiled. Putting on his mask of indifference, he walked out of the bathroom, and went to join Mei.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He let steaming hot water pound on his back, fingers running through wet tendrils, washing away soap suds. He knew what she'd expect on this night, and he couldn't put it off forever. _What if I can't… _Pushing the thought away, he shut off the water, and stepped out of the shower. He could, and he would. He had no choice. He towel dried his hair, and wrapped the towel around his slender hips. _Might as well get it over with_, he thought as he opened the door, and went into the bedroom of their suite.

When he walked into the bedroom, she was sprawled across the bed, naked, one hand propping up her head. He smiled his best lustful smile, dropped the towel, and waited for a cue from the woman across the room. She beckoned him over with a quirk of her finger, and he went. When they'd dated the first time, they'd never been intimate, so he didn't know what she liked. Though he was able to make a fairly educated guess, he'd try a few things, and follow her bodies signals.

As he stood at the foot of the bed, her eyes washed over him, and he shuddered. Not in lust, but with disgust, at himself, and what he'd become. She kneeled before him, and threw her arms around his neck, her lips pressing against his. He allowed her entrance, and let her lead the kiss, learning the style of her tongue. When she deepened the kiss further, he pulled her into his arms, carried her around the bed post, and laid his body over hers, never once breaking the kiss.

They pulled apart for air, and his fingers ghosted over her body, learning all the places that made her quiver. He mapped out her sensitive points in his mind, for future reference. Once they returned home, the quicker he was able to get her off, the quicker he could end his own misery, but on this one night, he would take his time. It was her wedding night after all.

He moved down her neck, lips leaving gentle kisses across her skin. He tried a small nip, and she groaned. He'd pegged her correctly, and proceeded down her body. He rubbed his tongue over her nipple roughly, and she purred, as he caught it between his teeth. He coaxed it into a turgid peak, and moved to the other breast, gracing it with the same treatment, as his hands fluttered over her skin.

When her body arched into his, he knew it was time to move on. He dropped kisses along her skin, until he reached her heat. She leaned forward in anticipation, and he lifted her hips. When he pressed his mouth to her center, she gave a cry, and he ran his tongue over her nub. He sucked and nipped, then slipped lower, fucking her with his tongue, as she writhed beneath him. He stroked across her walls, and felt her tremble. He replaced his tongue with two fingers, stroking in, and flicking her clit each time he pulled out.

Her body was pulled tight, her eyes stared unseeing at the ceiling, and he moved his hand faster, watching her every move. He reached down to grip his flaccid cock when she came, hands fisted in the sheets, a jumble of words he couldn't understand falling from her lips. He made sure she wasn't watching him, and began to stroke himself. Willing his body to react in some way. He'd never had this much trouble before. He called up an image guaranteed to get him aroused, and finally he was standing at attention.

After she recovered from her orgasm, she smiled down at him, and he slid up her body. She pulled him to her, and he allowed her tongue to sweep inside his mouth. Her fingers grazed down his chest, and made their way down to his sex. She stroked his head gently, and he had to suppress the urge to slap her hand away. It just felt… wrong. There was no other word for it. She began to stroke him, and she watched him curiously. He noted worry in her features, and he moved his hand to her wrist, stopping her.

"You didn't like it? Was I doing it wrong?"

"Why do you think I wasn't enjoying it?" he asked, so he could avoid whatever it was that he'd done, or hadn't done, the next time.

"Well…"

"Tell me. It's okay," he drawled softly.

"You weren't making any noise, and your face looked so serious."

He kissed her cheek gently, trying to appease her, and she smiled. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to control myself. If you'd kept up I would have come, and this would be over. I don't want this to be over. Do you?" She shook her head 'no' and he forced a smile. "Good," he said, and buried his face in her neck. _That was close…_Sometimes the lies came so easily, that he wondered if he truly was just like his father.

For a reason he couldn't name, he felt nauseous, as he positioned his cock at her entrance. He found her pink nipples again, and paid them homage. She shifted her hips against his, and that was all the hint he needed. He slipped inside her to the hilt, and waited for her consent. _It'll all be over soon_, he told himself. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he started to move, slowly at first, then picked up his speed.

She gripped his ass with acrylic nails, and he growled. _Fucking hurts_, he thought as she clenched his cheeks again, obviously mistaking his growl of pain, for one of pleasure. He wanted her to let go, so he moved his hands lower, and raised her legs, placing them over his arms, folding her nearly in half. She cried out in pleasure at the position switch. He was reaching deeper now, and it was having the desired effect.

She was panting beneath him, he drove in harder, thrusting faster. She let out a long low whimper, and her head thrashed back and forth on the pillow. He matched her groans with his own, doing his best to imitate pleasure, and cringed inside. _A lifetime of this?_ The thought made his stomach churn, but he kept going, determined to bring her release. It was what he was meant to do, as a husband. It was just one more obligation, added to the long line of things, he was expected to do, none of which he cared about.

As he moved against sweaty flesh, her moans of desire, broke his heart. She sounded nothing like Gojyo, and her body did little to bring him satisfaction. She was Gojyo's opposite in every way. Petite, to his long lean limbs, pale frail beauty, to his dark sensuous sexuality. He could feel her body pulsing around him, and knew she would finish soon, while he was nowhere near ready, but that didn't surprise him. She wasn't Gojyo, no matter how much he wished she was.

He rammed into her roughly, and pressed against her clit. He'd meant to take his time, but all he wanted now was for this to be over. He took her roughly and impersonally, and she shrieked with surprise. He released her legs, and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her to meet him forcefully. _Shit… what the hell am I doing?_ He'd never just lost it in the middle of sex. He'd always kept up the act perfectly, but for some reason it had just cracked into tiny little pieces. He'd been taking out his anger and frustration on her body. He slowed a bit, and kissed her tenderly.

Another thrust, and a single flick, and she was falling apart around him. Her legs quivered, and she arched into him, nails scraping up his back. She tightened around him, and screamed his name as she came. He closed his eyes, and rode her release. The heat of her body gripped him, and unbidden, the image of Gojyo beneath him, skin flushed and shiny, lips swollen, and his gorgeous cock, standing proud, and dripping with precum, floated through his mind. Within seconds he came forcefully inside her, and she smiled in post-coital bliss, as he filled her.

"Oh, Sanzo… that was amazing…" she panted.

But he didn't respond…

He couldn't…

He felt like a high priced whore, and technically he was. He'd sold his body, for another man's money, and his very own father…

Had been his pimp…

* * *

This is the one and only chapter where you will see Sanzo and Mei together sexually. I just wanted to create a point of reference so that the differences between Sanzo's feelings for Gojyo, and Sanzo's feelings for Mei would be more obvious. That's also the reason the description of the actual sex act between the brand new husband and wife is more clinical and detached.


	8. Chapter 7

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 7: In the Darkest Hours**

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo opened his eyes, and frowned. It was still dark outside. He looked at his bedside clock and couldn't help but feel pained. Three days. It had officially been three days now. He was beginning to wonder if the phone would ever ring. It was just past midnight, the witching hour, and he couldn't help but feel haunted by images of a certain blonde haired disappearing boyfriend.

He watched the clock flick away another minute, and it dawned on him just how long 24 hours really was. During the day he never paid much attention. He was always on the go, and didn't have the wherewithal to acknowledge that yet another sunrise and sunset had passed. But in these moments when he couldn't rest, and it seemed the entire world was asleep, one minute might as well be an eternity. The endless seconds only served to accentuate his absence. The emptiness of his bed. The loneliness in his heart…

The hours he spent laying silent in the dead of night, were the hardest of all. The hours when his newly developed insomnia took hold, and he had no one's company to keep but his own. It was in these minutes that his thoughts ran rampant, and his imagination showed him things he couldn't bear to see. Gojyo sighed, shaking away another vision of his lover entangled with a woman who, in his opinion, was far beneath him.

It had been almost a year since Sanzo married Mei, but the nights he spent alone only got harder, not easier. In the beginning he'd assumed that one day he'd grow used to the situation, but each night when he woke in the dark, and found himself alone, a piece of his heart was chipped away. He feared that one day there would be nothing left and he would become an empty shell.

_Shit! I'm even depressing myself now. Way too heavy for 1 a.m.! Maybe I can get a bit more sleep… _ With that idea in mind Gojyo slipped back under the covers with a yawn, buried his head in his pillow, took several deep breaths, and tried to calm his racing thoughts. _Tomorrow is another day… Tomorrow he will… _

Gojyo rolled over in bed and gave a frustrated growl. He was still exhausted. He couldn't have slept for more then two hours. Before he'd only been slightly annoyed, but that had turned into full blown irritation. _Am I ever going to get some fucking sleep?_ He doubted it. It had already been two weeks since he'd gotten a decent nights rest. He obviously had too much on his mind to sleep peacefully, and that unnerved him more then he was ready to admit. Sleep had always come easily to him, no matter what he was going through. He reached around on his nightstand, but what he sought was missing.

With a grimace he climbed out of bed, and went in search of the pants he'd worn earlier. As he stumbled around in the dark, his right foot made itself at home on top of something he couldn't quite name, and he heard a crunch. He flicked the light switch on, and lifted his foot. "Oh god damn it!" he grumbled as he bent over, and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, that had been smashed into putty. "That was my last fucking pack!" He put them on the dresser and pulled on a shirt.

As he made his way down the hallway he took out the one salvageable smoke in the pack, and placed it between his lips for safe keeping, tossing the rest into the trash. He threw on some shoes and a light sweater, grabbed his cell phone, and was out the door and down the hall in little more than a minute. As he moved past the doorman he lit his smoke, and took a large drag. _The day just started and it's already shit…_

He was starting to feel like fate was laughing at him. In the last month, his lucky combat boots, which they didn't make anymore, died and Sanzo, without his permission, mind you, threw them away, without giving them a proper burial. Then he'd gotten a cold during summer of all seasons, followed by getting arrested for a drunk and disorderly, even though the jerk had punched him first, and of course he would get into a huge argument with Hakkai over the fact that he got arrested. As if that wasn't enough, yesterday he got kicked out of his band, and to top all that off? He hadn't gotten laid in eighteen long days. That's right! Eighteen excruciatingly long days. Sometimes life… just wasn't fair.

When he walked into the corner store, the night clerk handed him a pack of his brand, and he handed the guy some money. Neither of them said a word, and Gojyo was on his way back home in seconds. This had become an almost nightly ritual, and the fact that he had spent more time with the night clerk then his own boyfriend in the last few weeks was disturbing, to say the least. When he got back to his apartment building the elevator was stuck in the basement because of a shipment. He had two choices…

Wait for it to come back up, even though it might take a while, or take the stairs. Since he wasn't thrilled with the idea of standing in the lobby, where he couldn't smoke, for the next hour, he took the stairs. When he realized that he was climbing up seven flights of stairs at 4:37 a.m. on a Monday morning, he snapped. "This is fucking ridiculous! I've had it up to here," he roared as he stomped up the last flight. "Fuck my stupid band, I had more talent than all of those bastards combined anyway! They didn't deserve someone of my caliber!"

When he made it into the hallway, the stairwell door slammed shut behind him. He smiled almost malevolently and stomped down the hallway. Maybe he could ruin someone else's morning. And why the hell not? He shouldn't have to be the only asshole on the planet having a shitty run at life. He'd almost reached his door, when the elderly lady down the hall poked her head out her door. He turned to face her and gave her his sweetest smile.

As she began to smile back he narrowed his eyes, "What the hell do you want, Grams? I'm sorry I didn't catch that? Really? Well you're gonna have to fucking pay for it like everybody else!" he growled as he grazed his crotch. Her jaw dropped, her face went fire engine red, and she slipped back inside her apartment, slamming the door behind her. With a satisfied smirk Gojyo opened his door, and made his way into the living room, slamming his front door behind him. _Stupid nosey old bitty! _"God! Why do people suck so fucking much?" _Hmmm… speaking of people who suck…_

Gojyo plopped down on the couch, lit a cigarette, and pulled out his cell phone. Sanzo had had to go away on business for two weeks, and he should have already been back for three days, but he hadn't bothered to call. Therefore, Gojyo had very special plans for his bastard boyfriend. I mean who did he think he was anyway?

_A C.E.O. of one of the biggest and hottest companies in technology right now… A man with a wife and a life outside of you… that's wh_o, his inner voice poked. _Besides… who the hell are you? A starving musician without a band… that's who!_

Gojyo silenced his inner guardian with very little effort and grimaced. Some days he wished he could just tell his conscience to fuck off and disappear forever. Gojyo flipped open his phone, and called Sanzo at the office. He knew he wouldn't be there this early, but that was the point. He listened to the voicemail message very closely, and when it beeped he left a message, just like the voice had told him to.

_Ignore that bastard!_ He thought with a small smile. _Have a good day at the office…_

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo strolled out of his morning budget meeting and wandered over to his office. He only had about ten minutes until his next meeting, which was with his newest investor, Toya Sanumura, and he wanted to get situated before they began outlining all the details, both big and small. He greeted Akira, told him to show Toya in when he arrived, collected his messages, and went into his office.

When he sat down at his desk the voicemail indicator on his phone was flashing. Deciding to ignore it, he grabbed the files he would need and set them on the conference table in the center of his office. When he went back to his desk the red light caught his attention again, and he felt his curiosity taking hold. Very few people had his direct office number. _It might be important_, he reasoned with himself. He looked at his watch, and that only launched his interest into the atmosphere. Who could have possibly left him a message? It was only 8:30. _Akira gets into the office at 7:30 and leaves at 5:30… I was here until 9:30 last night… _That meant the message had to have been left sometime between 10 p.m. and 7:30 a.m.

He sat down in his high back brown leather chair, and pressed the message button. The machine told him he had four new messages. The first three were updates from his work foremen who worked in the labs, which ran 24 hours a day. He listened to them carefully, and took the appropriate notes. The last message began with about fifteen seconds of dead air. He was about to delete it when he heard a very familiar voice.

"Good morning Mr. Douji. This is Gojyo Taishou. I was wondering if perhaps I could make an appointment to discuss my possible investment in your company." Sanzo couldn't help but smile. His lover was such a clown sometimes. "However, I'd expect you to invest in my company in return…" Sanzo took a sip of his coffee, a smile on his face "…Thick Meats Sausage is very interested in having our budget holes filled by the long arm of Zenon Industries…" Sanzo laughed out loud, his coffee spilling out his nose and onto his desk, then unleashed a violent cough. His office door slid open, and he looked up.

"…What it really comes down to is this… you are my lover… so I'd like to know when you're planning to come over here and fuck me properly?" Sanzo looked up into the face of Toya Sanumura, and was completely mortified. He randomly began hitting buttons to silence the message but it was to no avail "…Because if you don't I'm going to find someone else who…"

Finally the message was silenced, and Sanzo had the good grace to begin bowing over and over like an idiot. "My sincerest apologies, Mr. Sanumura. I have no idea…" Toya raised his hand and the scowl on his face was enough to silence Sanzo. _I swear to god Gojyo…_

"Mr. Douji, I'm shocked by this display," he said with a frown, but his grimace became a beaming smile. "Almost a year, and still in the honeymoon phase? Your wife must be some woman."

"Uhhh… yeah…" Sanzo mumbled, laughing awkwardly. After clearing his throat he forced a smiled, "Shall we begin Mr. Sanumura?" Toya nodded, and they joined each other at the center table to hash out their contract.

A few hours later he shook hands with Toya, bid him farewell, and waited for Akirato return to his desk. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Douji, did you need something?" his soft spoken assistant asked when he returned.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I'm going to be on a conference call. I do NOT want to be disturbed for any reason, do you understand? I don't care who it is. No phone calls, no messages, no visits. I don't want anyone anywhere near my office," he growled.

"Yes sir."

"Good. Carry on then," he said dismissively.

He shut the outer office door, locked it, and made his way into his office, and shut and locked that door as well. He had a very important phone call to make, to his soon to be deceased lover, who'd almost cost him a huge investor. He put on the head set that was attached to his cell phone and waited for the voice on the other side.

"Hey love…"

"Gojyo! What the hell is the matter with you?" he screamed into the phone. "Leaving a message like that on my office phone. Are you fucking crazy?"

"San…"

"I had a goddamned investor walk into my office while I was listening to it!" he snapped.

"It was a joke, Sanzo. Relax!" Gojyo replied airily, and Sanzo lost it.

"A joke? A fucking joke? Your little 'joke' almost cost me a huge investor. Did you ever stop to think about the repercussions of what you were doing before you did it? No! But that doesn't surprise me since you don't ever fucking think about what you do before you do it. I mean for fuck sake…"

"Sanzo…"

"I don't want to listen to some stupid fucking excuse. I'm getting tired of this shit. First I have to leave Mei at our hotel in the middle of the night to wire money to Hakkai, so he could bail your ass out of jail, and now this…"

"What?"

"What do you mean what? You don't remember me having to…"

"You took Mei with you?" Gojyo whispered and Sanzo could hear the pain in his voice.

Shit… "That's…" Sanzo cleared his throat trying to maintain his authoritative tone "…That's not the issue here, Gojyo."

"I think you lying to me is a huge issue!" Gojyo snarled.

"Maybe, but the topic at hand is obviously a much bigger issue. What you did today… If my father had found out… You could have cost me my job! A job that I need. I may not like it, but I need it. Then again, what would you know about it anyway? We all aren't fortunate enough to have a sugar daddy paying all our bills for us."

"Paying our bills for us? You self righteous asshole! You offered to do that for me because you wanted me to live closer to where you and Mei would be living. Even though you knew I couldn't afford it."

"Gojyo…"

"Shut the fuck up. It's my turn to speak bastard. I moved because you wanted me to. I was perfectly happy with my fourth floor walk-up. It may not have been much, but it was mine. And now thanks to you I can't even pay any bills on my own anymore..."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sanzo interrupted.

"You moved me all the way out here, and I could never make it to band practice, so I got kicked out of my band yesterday. No shows equals no money."

"Oh… Gojyo, I'm…"

"All I wanted was to get your attention. I'm having a bad couple of days, and I wanted to hear your voice. You promised me we could get together when you got back, because I wouldn't get to talk to you while you were in Seattle. But when you got back, you never called me. It's already been three days. I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry…" and just like that all the wind left his sails. He'd forgotten all about his promise to Gojyo "…Forgive me for thinking that the man I love, who supposedly loves me back, might be happy to hear from me. Sorry to be such an inconvenience."

"Gojyo…" he began, but when he heard the dial tone on the other end, his heart stopped beating. He tore off his head set, and flipped open his phone. He pressed speed dial number one, his foot bouncing up and down, but his call went straight to voicemail. He tried several more times, but it always went straight to voicemail. "God damn it! Answer the phone!" he growled, his fist landing on his desk with an audible thud.

_Great! Now I've fucked up twice…_

Maybe he truly was his father's son…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo starred up at the ceiling, and glowered. Today hadn't exactly been the day he'd originally pictured when he'd tied his tie and buttoned his suit jacket. Today had, in the simplest of words, been complete and utter hell. He'd blown up and said terrible things to Gojyo, proving yet again, that he was an unfeeling jackass. And of course, he still hadn't been given a chance to apologize. What's worse was that he would be leaving for Houston in three days, and he would be gone over a week. If he didn't apologize soon, Gojyo most definitely wouldn't be waiting for him when he got back.

Mei burrowed her head further into his chest, and his lips curled into a grimace. _Does she have to sleep right on fucking top of me?_ This had seemingly become a tradition the past several months. She would lay against him, and in the darkest hours of night, he would hold her dispassionately, while envisioning what his life would be like if he could be free of the ties that bound him to this place. Each night he drew a detailed world in his mind, full of vivid colors, and exciting moments. The painting changed every night. Different places, different times, but one thing always stayed the same… Gojyo. He was always the focus of each and every still-life, because he was the center of Sanzo's world.

The daylight hours were the easiest. Work kept him so busy that he didn't have a spare minute to even think about Gojyo, let alone miss him. But in the middle of the night when he was awakened by an arm wrapping around his waist, he would smile, and take the hand in his own. Only to shove it away seconds later when the fog of sleep lifted, and he realized who was trying to hold him. After that moment of regret, sadness, and anger, he would lay awake the rest of the night, lost in his own thoughts. He could never recover from the initial shock.

What kept him awake, was the overwhelming disappointment he always felt. The loneliness of the small distance he couldn't overcome. The inevitability of his solitude, despite his overcrowded bed. It was in these hours, between midnight and dawn, that he realized the toll his path took on his hidden reserves of strength. The long hours he spent away from Gojyo were a burden he wasn't sure he could carry. He was certain however, that he didn't want the responsibility that his father had unceremoniously dropped into his lap.

It had been far too long since he'd seen his love. He'd drag himself out of bed in the morning after yet another restless night, and he always felt… off. Not off as in wrong or rotten, but off as in not functioning. Like his heart was sealed away, and he was operating on auto-pilot. Like he was a robot… Like he was his father… and that terrified and infuriated him. In his youth he'd vowed to never be like his father, but it seemed he grew to be more like Shuuei Douji each and every day. His accidental disregard of the promise he'd made to Gojyo, his soul mate, was proof of that, and he intended to fix his error right now.

Dropping his right leg off the bed, he lifted Mei gently, and slid her off his chest, putting his pillow beneath her, so that she wouldn't miss him. He slipped his cell phone into the pocket of his pajama pants, grabbed his cigarettes, and with a silent growl, crept across the room to their bedroom door. He couldn't believe that he had to sneak around his own home. A home that he paid for. It was ridiculous. When he reached the door, Mei stirred. "Sanzo, what are you…"

"Shush, Mei. Go back to sleep. I'm just going to go smoke a cigarette. I'll be back."

"O-kay…" she said with a yawn.

He waited for her to fall back to sleep, left the bedroom, closing the door behind him soundlessly, walked down the hall, and into the living room. He slid open the door to the balcony gently, and closed it slowly behind him. He lit a cigarette, and pulled out his phone. He starred at it for several minutes, then flicked his finished smoke into the street. It was already after 2 a.m. but he didn't really care. He lit another cigarette, took a deep breath, and hit speed dial number one. This time… it finally rang…

"Hello?"

Gojyo…" he whispered into the phone.

"I don't…"

"Don't hang up," he said, and waited for a click on the other end signaling him that the call had ended. When it didn't, he pushed on. "I have something to say…"

"I think you already said enough earlier," Gojyo growled.

"It's nothing like that, Gojyo," Sanzo declared desperately. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning I was wrong, and I'm sorry. No matter what happens, I don't ever have the right to speak to you that way."

"Sanzo…"

"I'm an asshole, and believe me I know it. I've felt like shit all day. I tried to call you a million times, but your phone was off. I didn't want to leave a message, because I figured you wouldn't listen to it, and…"

"Sanzo…"

"I fucked up. I should never have lied to you. I'm really sorry. I'm a jackass. I love you so much. I've been going crazy all day…"

"SANZO!" Gojyo screamed trying to get his loves attention.

"Yes?" Sanzo said weakly.

"It's fine…"

"No, it's not fine. I…"

"Would you listen for one second please? It really is okay. When I left that message I was… pissed at you, and I was in a lousy mood. I should never have left it, but I wanted… I don't know what I wanted out of it, but it was wrong," Gojyo said apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"Can we call it even?" Sanzo asked with a smile.

Gojyo laughed, "Yeah, of course." When he spoke again his voice was sober, "I love you, Sanzo."

"I love you too, Gojyo," Sanzo replied, and he felt some life returning to him.

"It's late." Gojyo stated flatly, a yawn chasing the words from his lips.

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I was already up. Couldn't sleep. Then again…"

"What?" Sanzo asked curiously.

"I haven't been able to sleep for weeks."

"Me either."

"Aren't we just a bushy tailed pair?" Gojyo asked, letting out a muffled chuckle.

"Gojyo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry that I didn't call you when I got back. I had so much shit to take care of that it slipped my mind. And I should never have lied to you. I just didn't want to hurt you, but that doesn't really matter. There's no excuse for it. It was wrong."

"Sanzo, I get it. Okay? Trust me. You don't have to apologize anymore. It's my own fault. You have obligations you can't ignore, and I knew that from the beginning. I just… really missed you. That's all."

"I missed you too."

"A part of me knew that, but I was still pissed off and really hurt that you were too busy to even pick up the phone," Gojyo said flatly.

"I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll talk to you later."

"Gojyo…" Sanzo murmured tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I have to go to Houston for nine days, to meet with a new client. Did you… want to come with me?"

"Sanzo, you don't have to do that," Gojyo said, and Sanzo felt unnerved by the remorse in his voice. "Mei and I aren't competing. I already know that your heart belongs to me."

"That's not why I'm inviting you," Sanzo said assuredly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he responded without a moment's hesitation. "I haven't seen you in so long. We haven't had a chance to spend this much time together in months. I need the uninterrupted time with you. I've missed you so much. It would be nice to wake up next to you, and have breakfast in bed with you and…"

"Okay. I'll go," Gojyo said calmly, but Sanzo could hear the excitement hidden in his voice.

"Good." When his love yawned he smiled. "Get some sleep. I love you. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I… I love you too. Goodnight. Sweet dreams," Gojyo mumbled sleepily.

"Gojyo?"

"Uh huh…" he replied with a yawn.

"We won't ever have to wait this long again. I promise. I won't let anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, stand in the way. There's nothing more important to me then you. Sweet dreams. I love you." With that, he hung up, and made his way back inside. He crawled into bed next to the woman he'd grown to despise, because to Sanzo, she wore his father's face, and began a new portrait. This one took place in a moonlit desert sand dune, big city lights leaving a mystical glow…


	9. Chapter 8

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Leaving**

Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh god… Gojyo… you feel so good…"

Sanzo rolled his hips, as he plunged in again, pushing his lover closer to the edge. "Sanzo…" Tan fingers tore at the sheets as Gojyo's prostate was slammed again and again, by his driving strokes. Gojyo lifted his hips to meet every thrust, skin slapping against skin. Sanzo found his lips, and stole a frenzied kiss. He wrapped his fingers around Gojyo's dripping erection and pumped furiously. "Oh god… Sanzo…"

This was the moment, when he most liked to watch his lover. When he teetered on the brink, just before his release, he would bite his lower lip, and make a small whimper in the back of his throat, that drove Sanzo mad. Then crimson eyes would look up at him, almost in pleading, silently begging for release. Those eyes always made Sanzo frantic, consuming him with the need to bring Gojyo the ultimate pleasure.

Sanzo pulled Gojyo more into his lap, changing the angle of his thrusts, allowing him to go deeper, and giving him better leverage to move faster and thrust harder. Within a few rough snaps of his hips, Gojyo was writhing beneath him, breath coming out in harsh pants. He pushed harder, and thumbed the underside of Gojyo's erection. He moaned a broken version of Sanzo's name as he came, his seed pouring into the blondes hand, and pooling on his stomach.

"I love you, Gojyo…" he said. His voice choking on the emotion he always felt when he looked down at his lover and felt his throbbing member being clenched by Gojyo's body. His thrusts were erratic, but he didn't care, he was dangerously close. He slammed forward one more time, and came as he took the redheads lips in a bruising kiss.

Gojyo moaned into his lovers mouth as he felt hot seed, hit his prostate, and shivered. Sanzo collapsed on top of him, and he felt nails scraping over his back. "Gojyo…" he whispered, as his heart tried to slacken its pace, and he took several deep breaths, trying to come down from his intense orgasm.

"I know baby… relax…" Sanzo looked into scarlet eyes, and felt warmth spread through his chest.

_How the hell did I ever get this lucky?_

Sanzo rolled off his lover, and pulled him close. He checked his cell phone for the time. It was only seven o'clock. He had just enough time to catch a short nap, and take a bath with Gojyo before he had to go. He knew he was supposed to stay the night tonight, but his father had blown his business trip story out of the water. He had yet to tell Gojyo, and winced at the response he knew he would receive.

"Hey, Gojyo?" he nudged.

"Hmmm?" the redhead said in confusion. He'd obviously been sleeping, and Sanzo cursed himself for disturbing his peace, and with bad news no less.

"Want to take a bath?"

"Later. Sleep now," the redhead replied and snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around Sanzo's waist, his head resting on his lovers pale chest. With a pleased sigh he added, "This is nice…"

Sanzo cringed, Gojyo was on cloud nine, and he was about to shove him off, and send him cascading into the abyss. _I'm such an asshole… I don't know why he puts up with me…_ Sanzo growled in frustration as his other life stole him away from where he wanted to be… again. It was the third time this month, and he felt like shit.

"Gojyo…"

"Yeah?" he said, one eye opened, and an eyebrow arched gracefully.

"It's gonna have to be now or…" he paused as he watched Gojyo sit up.

"Or?" the redhead said, anger radiating off his skin.

"Never… I have to go home tonight…" he mumbled.

Gojyo shot out of bed, "WHAT? Again? Oh goddamn it, Sanzo. "

"I set everything up, and then Shuuei…"

"You know what, Sanzo? Forget it. It's fine. Whatever," Gojyo said, almost too calmly, and left the room.

_He may have said forget it, but he's pissed… I'm gonna pay big time for this one…_

Gojyo reappeared with a pack of Marlboro Reds and newspaper in hand, and laid them on the bed side table. He glanced at Sanzo briefly, then made himself more comfortable, using a pillow to prop up his upper half, and stretched out his lean legs. Sanzo crawled over him on all fours and tried to sneak a kiss, but Gojyo turned his head away. "Gojyo?" but the redhead didn't grace him with even a flinch to show his acknowledgement.

_I knew it… he's totally pissed…_

"Gojyo? Look at me, please." Two piercing eyes met his gaze, and Sanzo shuddered at the fury just underneath the surface. "I'll make this up to you. I swear." But Gojyo simply stared at him, his face a blank mask. "Goddamn it, Gojyo! Don't shut me out right now. I'm sorry, okay? There was nothing…"

Finally the frigid exterior caved in, and Gojyo shoved him away so violently, that he fell off the bed. "…You could do. I've heard it all before, and I'm not interested."

"I really will make it up to you. I promise," Sanzo pleaded, his heart pounding in his chest, as he got to his feet. He was terrified that the redhead hated him, and that this time he wouldn't be able to fix it, like he had all the other times, over the past year and a half.

"You said that last time. Tonight is the night you're supposed to be making it up to me."

"Gojyo…"

"Aren't you leaving?" he asked the blonde. "You already got what you came for…" he added under his breath.

"What?" Sanzo asked, arching his eyebrow.

"Are… you… leaving?" he repeated, emphasizing every word with a hand gesture.

_Got what I came for? What the hell does that mean?_

"Fine, Gojyo. You want me to go? I'm gone." He moved down the hallway, then stopped dead in his tracks. He needed to tell him, even if he already knew…

"I love you. You know that, right?" Sanzo asked hopefully.

"Yeah," his lover replied as he lit his cigarette, but his gaze never wandered to the doorway.

"I'll see you later," Sanzo said, and made his way into the living room to collect his clothing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanzo inserted his keys into the ignition of his brand new black BMW M3, he turned the key, and the engine purred to life. _Goddamn it!_ he thought as he pounded his fist on the steering wheel. Everything was falling apart, and instead of being where he needed to be, he was driving home, or whatever hollow shallow mockery of a home him and Mei, albeit unknowingly on her part, had created.

He lit a cigarette, and tried to relax. When he heard an ever familiar jingle, he flipped open his cell phone, and barked, "What?"

"My, my, Sanzo. What's gotten you all flustered?" his father asked.

"You know perfectly well, what I'm upset about."

"I assure you, I have absolutely no idea."

"When Mei and I got married, you had no problem with me keeping my relationship with Gojyo going. But now, every time I arrange to spend more than a few hours with him, you ruin it."

"Do I?" his father asked conversationally as if they were talking about the weather.

_Do I…_ Sanzo mimicked in his mind…_fucking asshole…_

"Don't patronize me. I'm not fifteen years old anymore."

"No you aren't. Perhaps you should start acting your age then."

"Acting my age…"

"Yes! It's high time you put all this foolishness aside, and became a man. There are things in life that need to be done, and while they may not be pleasant, they need to be done none-the-less."

Sanzo let out a long sigh, "Is it so wrong for me to want to be with the man I love?"

"Yes," his father growled. "It's a perversion, and you have yet to produce an heir."

All the fight left Sanzo's shoulders. He wasn't going to win this round. "If I give you an heir, will you let me live my life in peace, the way I see fit?"

"Of course."

"You're destroying the only thing that's ever mattered to me."

"Not intentionally. My deepest… apologies," Shuuei said in a sickly sweet tone.

Sanzo knew the words were empty and meaningless. With his father, they always were. "Apologies? Don't bullshit me. You're thrilled right now. I can hear it in your voice. You conniving manipulative selfish son of a bitch…"

"You insolent little…"

"Know this, if I lose Gojyo… I swear to god… you really will be sorry!" Sanzo slammed his phone down on the passenger seat, his body shaking with barely contained rage. He pulled into the parking garage, and waited until he cooled down.

He made his way into his condo, and plastered a smile on his face. "Mei?"

"In here, honey." He followed her voice, and found himself in the living room. "How was work?" she asked, coming over to greet him.

"Long day," he said, giving her his cheek when she tried to kiss his lips. "I'm going to get some rest."

"Okay," Mei called after him, her voice laced with concern.

_My entire life is a lie… _

Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," he replied lighting a cigarette.

"I'll see you later."

He listened to exposed feet pad across the hardwood floors. He took a long drag, rested his cigarette in the ashtray, and pulled the folded newspaper in front of his face. He could hear the clack of wingtip shoes, the jingle of keys, and the bang of cabinets. By the time he finished his cigarette the front door had already closed.

"Bastard…" he muttered to himself. "He was supposed to stay the night." _I ordered a nice dinner and everything. His favorite, and I was going to be desert. Now all that food is going to go to waste. Well at least he got what he came for…_ "You know what? Fuck this! If he doesn't want to be here… doesn't want to make the time to be here… then neither will I!" He grabbed the phone and dialed his neighbor. _He should be home by now…_

"Hello?"

"Kai…"

"Gojyo, what's up?"

"Got any plans tonight?"

"No. I was going to get some sleep. I have to work really early tomorrow morning."

"Oh… Well… Why don't you come to Decadence with me. It'll be fun."

"No way. I'll never be able to wake up tomorrow."

"Oh, come on, Hakkai. How long has it been since you got laid?"

"Gojyo! I don't think…"

"You're coming. I can't take my pretty ass to the club all alone now can I? I'll meet you in the hall at 10."

"What? It's already 8:30. That's not enough…"

"Ten Kai. Oh and dress sexy. None of that 'monocle I'm your Great Grand Father Jobe' crap," he said, then hung up.

Lovers always had good days, and bad days. Lately they'd been having more bad then good. He was always busy. He'd make plans, show up late, and then bale out early. There was always somewhere else he needed, and most likely, wanted, to be. Naturally, that was to be expected when your lover was C.E.O. of Zenon Industries. It was another world, and these days, he was there more often than here. Gojyo had no illusions about who he'd become, and what this was. Love was a bitch, and he'd been caught in her web for almost three years.

I better grab a quick shower…

Gojyo dried off, and squeezed himself into his tightest black leather pants. A sleeveless red mesh crop-top, that bared his perfect washboard stomach, completed the ensemble. Two leather bracelets, one velvet collar, and his new black boots later, he was ready to go. He gave himself a once over in the mirror, and decided that something was missing. He added a line of black eyeliner to each eye, to make his crimson orbs really sparkle, and looked at his reflection again. _Much better…_

When he made his way into the hallway, to meet Hakkai, he was pleasantly surprised. Hakkai had actually bothered to primp, and Gojyo mentally patted himself on the back. He was definitely going to get Hakkai laid tonight. It was his duty as best friend and neighbor. Of course, there was nothing wrong with getting his ego stroked while he was at it. Lately, he'd been feeling rather undesirable, and nothing but good old fashion debauchery would fix that. As it just so happened… there was no other place that promised wickedness and a little depravity, like Decadence, and he couldn't wait!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo strode into Decadence, and smiled. The crowd was looking good, and he knew he'd get what he came for. Tonight was all about harmless fun. He could let loose, be himself, and soak up some attention. Then he could go home, take a hot bath, and fester over how stupid Sanzo was for not appreciating him, when so many others would be willing to.

He found his way to the bar and the bartender made his way over with a smile, "Hey, Gojyo. Long time no see. How you been?"

"Perfect," Gojyo replied with a tight smile.

"That was believable. What can I get you? Anything… you name it… on the house."

"Can't you see how much I'm suffering?"

Jared, the bartender, laughed. _God… I love those dimples…_"Oh yeah you're suffering all right. All night long good enough for you?"

"That's just what I had in mind, Jared. Oh wait… you were talking about drinks. That'll have to do I guess." Gojyo said, a naughty gleam in his eye, as he dragged a finger down the boys arm.

Jared watched the tan finger leave his skin and gave Gojyo a wicked smile. "Whiskey?" he asked as he placed a shot glass on the bar in front of Gojyo.

"Yeah, and keep 'em coming. I don't want to see this glass empty."

"You got it."

Several shots later, Gojyo was feeling pleasantly buzzed. He'd gotten Jared's number, and was seriously considering taking the boy up on his offer for a date. Hakkai seemed to have met himself a hottie, and they looked to be getting along quite well, if their suggestive dance moves were a hint of what was to come. All things considered, the night was turning out better than it had started.

Unfortunately, he kept hearing Sanzo's pained voice in his head…

"_I love you… you know that right?"_

He should have said 'I love you too', in his heart he knew that it had been a cruel thing to do, but it was too late to take it back now. And turn about was fair play. Sanzo had hurt him, so he'd struck back. Of course, he'd also hit below the belt. "Jared, sweetie?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm gonna need another glass. Keep 'em both filled."

"No problem."

"Thanks."

He wolfed down a couple more shots, and moved onto the crowded dance floor. He danced with anybody and everybody who took the opportunity to rub against his naked flesh. Finally, he found a partner he liked, and ground against him. Their bodies moving in sync. Fingernails grazed the sensitive skin of his stomach, and he could feel the other mans arousal pressing against his ass.

_Stupid Sanzo_, he thought with a smile. _There are others who would be willing to be with me and only me. So why am I not good enough for you?_

He pressed his front into the other man, and crushed their hips together. He was rewarded with a groan, and smiled deviously. The other man, seemingly getting the wrong idea, tried to kiss him, and when he refused, the guy got pushy. Bodies pressed in around him, and he felt like he was drowning in a sea of people. The sweaty paws clawing at his skin were making his stomach churn and he realized… that's how his heart felt… like it was sinking…

_More booze… Definitely need another drink…_

Without a second thought to the man he was dancing with, he moved off the dance floor, pushing against the flow of bodies. He almost made it to the bar, when a hand landed on his shoulder. "Can I help you," he growled. "Oh, Kaiga. I'm sorry. What's up?"

"I'm doing well," the quiet bouncer replied.

"Walk with me…" he said dragging Kaiga to the bar with him.

"You've been invited into VIP."

"Okay. Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Gojyo asked as he took two more shots.

Kaiga watched Gojyo with worry. "Where's Mr. Douji?"

"Nobody knows, and nobody cares!" Gojyo stated angrily.

Kaiga nodded his head in acquiescence. "So will you accept the invitation? Or should I tell him that you declined the offer?"

Gojyo took the time to drop back four more shots before he answered, "Sounds good to me." He took a moment to say goodbye to his cutie behind the bar, then followed Kaiga into VIP.

When he made his way inside, the room was dim, and a tall slender figure was standing at the one-sided mirror, looking over the crowd. "Hey beautiful…" he said in greeting, without turning away from the glass. Gojyo stepped closer, and the man finally turned to face him.

"…You, may call me, Ni…"


	10. Chapter 9

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Barren**

_Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_I fucked up so bad last night_, Sanzo thought as he tied his tie. _I really need to fix this._

"Sanzo, is everything alright?" Mei asked.

"Everything's fine, Mei. You needn't worry. I've just been working too hard," he replied leaving a small kiss on her cheek. As he moved to leave she stopped him with a tender hand on his wrist.

"Sanzo, maybe we could take a vacation? We could go to our special place," she said shyly.

_Our special place? What the hell is she talking about?_

His face must have shown his confusion, because she frowned. "Oh, Sanzo, don't tell me you've forgotten already. It hasn't even been two years yet. Maui? That waterfall?"

"Oh right, the honeymoon. I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind, and I don't have the time to take a vacation right now, sweetie. I'm dealing with a new investor, and…"

She gave him a slight pout, "Well, okay. But you look like you could really use it. You've been working late every night, and you always seem angry when you get home. You're stressed out."

He shook his head lightly. There was no way he was taking a vacation, at any point in the foreseeable future. Any more time away from Gojyo, and he'd lose the redhead for sure, and that was something he wasn't willing to risk, even though she was right. He really did need a vacation. A vacation away from all the superfluous things that didn't matter to him in the least.

She tried to kiss him, but he interrupted her the only way he knew how. "I appreciate your concern, really. You want to take a vacation, we'll work it out," he said soothingly. "But right now, I don't have the time to spare. I'm sorry."

"But, Sanzo…"

"I have to leave for work now. We'll talk later," he said.

With nimbleness, that any gymnast would be jealous of, he evaded her advance, and made it out the front door. When he closed it behind him, he banged his head on the door, and let out a large sigh. She was getting harder and harder to avoid.

_I wonder if she knows?_ The idea of that even being a possibility shook him so deeply, that he forced himself to ignore it. _She doesn't deserve this…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sanzo gave a frustrated sigh, and lit a cigarette. He was stuck in traffic yet again, and it was driving him crazy. There was something irritating about being stuck unmoving, in a car. A car was meant for travel, yet he'd been in the same place for ten minutes. He pressed the dial to change the radio station. When he hit the third button, he smiled. "Oh yeah…" _I love this song_, he thought as he turned up the volume.

"If I wrote you a symphony, just to say how much you mean to me…" Sanzo sung as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He'd be embarrassed to admit to anyone that he liked this song, but it was so damn catchy. "If I told you… you were beautiful… would you date me on the regular…" He pulled off the express way and onto a side street in the hopes of escaping traffic, "This ring… it represents my heart… there's just one thing I need from you…. Say I do…" but he found himself stuck in construction traffic.

"Oh goddamn it! I'm never going to get to the fucking office!" he shouted in annoyance, and threw his cigarette out the window. He debated with himself for a couple minutes and decided that he would just have to venture into unknown territory. There had to be a few unblocked roads, between this jackhammer, and his office. He would just have to find them.

He turned down an alley, took a left, then made several more lefts and rights. _Why the hell does this place look so familiar? _Taking another right, he realized he was only a few blocks from Gojyo's apartment. _Hmmm… Office? Gojyo? Office? Gojyo?_ He couldn't figure out why he was even bothering to pretend. There was no contest. He'd just have to call the office and make up some excuse.

He was surprised by the fact that he'd ended up here, in the first place, but he didn't fight it. It was probably fate, and right now, he didn't care. He usually came from the other direction on his way home from work, so finding himself here was a strange sort of blessing. Although, he knew he would never be able to take the same route again.

_What street is this?_, he wondered, as he looked left and right. There was a store somewhere around here that made gift baskets, and he wasn't about to pop in on the already angry redhead, without gifts. Gojyo had a mean temper, and waking him up this early, would only make it worse. Gifts were a necessity. "Washington…" he said reading the sign. If memory served it would be on his right side about a block up.

He found a parking space, and got out. He strolled up the street, and found just what he was looking for. "How can I help you, Sir?" the young man behind the counter said. His name tag labeled him 'Goku'.

"I know you guys sell gift baskets here, but I was wondering if I could buy a dozen yellow roses, and maybe a bottle of red wine?"

"We aren't supposed to sell liquor this early in the morning…"

"Can't you make an exception?"

"I'm afraid I can't."

"This is an extenuating circumstance."

"I could lose my job."

"You seeing anybody, Goku?"

"No, but…"

"Right, well I am… maybe. I fucked up big time yesterday, and I'm pretty sure that if I show up without gifts, my sexy redhead is going to dump me. Help a guy out…" The boy warred internally, and Sanzo held his breath.

"Alright. But just this once."

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

"You're total is going to be… $174.53"

"Here you go," Sanzo said handing the boy his black card.

The boy ruffled a bit, when he read the name, but kept his cool. He handed the card back to Sanzo, along with a receipt and a pen. He put his card back in his wallet, signed the slip, handed it back to the boy, and tossed his customer receipt, after ripping it up. Looking at the young boy again, he decided he was feeling generous, pulled a fifty from his wallet, and handed it to him. "Thanks again, for all your help. Take Care."

The boy spluttered, but managed to find words. "Uh… Thanks, you too."

He hopped back into his car, and was at Gojyo's place in no time. He took off his wedding ring, hopped out of the car, wine and roses in hand, and almost whistled as he made his way to the elevator. When he got to the seventh floor, he stepped out of the elevator, pulled out his keys, and let himself in.

"Go…" he began as he found his way into the bedroom, but stopped short. _Who the FUCK is that?_ Sanzo didn't know what the hell to say. His beautiful redhead was naked, his face pressed into the back of a slender man, and an arm thrown over the other body, holding him close. _He let someone else mark him?__, _Sanzo thought noticing several hickeys on his neck, and what appeared to be a bite mark, on his lovers shoulder.

Sanzo backed out of the room slowly. When he got to the end of the hallway, he ran like the devil was chasing him. He found the front door, wrenched it open, and tore down the hallway, paying no attention to the fact that the door had slammed behind him. When he made it to the parking garage, he tossed the wine and roses into a dumpster, and climbed into his car.

_How the fuck could he do this to me?_, he thought and punched the steering wheel with a viciousness, he didn't know he possessed. _I should go back up there and drag that mother fucker out of my bed by his hair. Who the hell does he think he is anyway? Laying in MY bed with MY Gojyo…_ "SHIT!" He forced his key into the ignition, and squealed out of the parking garage, heedless of the cars that might meet him along the way.

_Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Gojyo rolled over in bed, and felt a warm body. _Sanzo?_ he thought with a smile. He nuzzled closer, ran his hand up his lovers back, and tangled his fingers in coarse locks. _Did he get a haircut?_Gojyo thought in his sleep fogged mind, then stiffened. Something about this was… all wrong. The hair was rough, Sanzo's was always silky, and this hair was far too short. He opened his eyes, and grimaced. _Who the hell…_

He pushed himself out of bed and winced. His entire body stung. He snuck into the bathroom, and checked himself out in the mirror. He had hickeys and bite marks everywhere, and bruises on his hips, most likely from the mans fingers. Whoever the man was, Gojyo didn't know, but he obviously wasn't the gentle type. Gojyo felt dirty and yearned for a shower, but instead he wrapped a robe around his slender form.

I need to get him out of here…

Gojyo heard a thump, and walked out of the bathroom. The man was already out of bed, and half dressed. Gojyo took a good look at his face, and a wave of memories flowed over him. _Ni? _He watched quietly while the man buttoned his shirt, and slipped on his shoes. He stopped at the door on his way out, and said, "Thanks for the warm bed, and an even hotter fuck." Without any more words, he disappeared down the hallway, giving off a high-pitched giggle.

When Gojyo heard the front door close, his entire body started to shake, and he collapsed in the middle of his bedroom floor. His heart was racing in his chest, and his mouth went dry. _Oh fuck… that didn't just happen…_But he knew that it had, and he couldn't take it back, no matter how much he wished he could. _What the hell have I done?_

He pulled himself from the floor and went back into the bathroom. He climbed into the shower and turned the hot water on full blast. He could smell sex on his skin, and it was making him sick to his stomach. As he stood with his back under the spray, he saw some of the water turning pink as it swirled down the drain, and scowled. _Definitely not gentle…_

He scrubbed his skin over and over, until it was red, but he couldn't erase the mans scent. No matter how much he rubbed, no matter how hard he scoured, the scent of sex was heavy in the air. His memory was still a little hazy, but he knew enough. He remembered being slammed against his front door, and having his pants pushed harshly down his legs. The feel of clammy hands all over his body as he was bent over the back of the couch…

"Please…" "Please what, slut?" "…Fuck me…"

At the memory of how roughly he'd been penetrated, Gojyo shuddered. He'd actually begged for this. The idea made him want to vomit. He sank down into the bathtub, and turned off the shower, filling the tub for a bath. His entire body was trembling, and despite the searing temperature of the water, he felt dangerously cold. Gojyo shut off the water, pulled his knees to his chest, and curled into a ball. His memory kept playing small flashes of the previous night over and over.

"_Oh god yes… harder… fuck me harder…"_

"_Harder?"_

"_Yeah… Nnngh… Faster…"_

"How's that, whore?"

"_Oh yeah that's it… fuck my tight little hole…"_

He'd let a stranger violate his body, in the most perverse way possible, and he'd enjoyed it. His body had been torn and rubbed raw, and he'd asked for it. He'd been used and disrespected, and he'd wanted it. All for the sake of some twisted sense of revenge.

…_Whore… Whore… Whore…_Ni's voice echoed in his head, and he cringed. _I'm not a whore…_His fingers grazed one of the bite marks, and he flinched. Soundless tears rolled down his cheeks, his burning body was wracked with seizures, and he wished for familiar arms.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gojyo pulled his sweater around his body tighter, and took a sip from the mug clenched between his fingers. It'd been over a week since he'd talked to Sanzo, and he was starting to wonder if he ever would. _I was such a bastard! I didn't even tell him I loved him! What if I never see him again?_ He'd wanted to call, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It would have been wrong to seek Sanzo's comfort for the mental and emotional pain he'd been suffering through. Pain he'd brought on himself.

The marks, had all but disappeared, but he knew the guilt never would. Every time he looked in the mirror, he hated what he saw. Sanzo deserved to know, and he would tell him, but not before he showed the blonde how much he loved him, in every way he possibly could. That was his first priority.

The phone rang, and his hand hovered over it. He didn't want to get his hopes up again, but no matter what happened, he always hoped it was his lover on the other end. "Hello?"

"Gojyo…"

"San-Sanzo…" Gojyo said in surprise

"Yeah…"

"H-How have you be-en?" Gojyo stuttered trying to hide his trembling voice. Weather they were tears of joy or sadness he didn't know, and at the moment, he didn't really care.

"Been better…" Sanzo growled.

He's so mad…

"I-I… what hap-happened?" Gojyo asked shakily.

"Gojyo, are you alright?"

"Uhhh… yeah… f-fine." Gojyo replied, choking back a sob.

"I'm on my way over. We need to talk," Sanzo said sternly

"Okay. I'll be here."

"Bye…"

"I love you…" Gojyo added sadly.

But Sanzo didn't respond. He simply hung up. _He's definitely not happy_, Gojyo thought as he stared at the phone. _He didn't say I love you too._

Gojyo checked himself out in the mirror. He was a wreck. His hair was messy, and he had circles under his eyes. But none of that really mattered. He wanted Sanzo to see him, how he truly was. No frills, no bullshit. He ran a brush through his hair, and went into the living room to wait…


	11. Chapter 10

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**I'M STATING THIS HERE AND NOW FOR ALL READERS TO SEE… **

**IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17, OR ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF MAN-ON-MAN SEX PLEASE MOVE ALONG TO ANOTHER STORY. FROM HERE ON OUT… THERE'S SEXUAL CONTENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Regrets**

_Sanzo's POV  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  
Sanzo climbed into his M3, lit a cigarette, and pulled out of the parking garage. He hadn't seen or spoken to Gojyo in over a week, and didn't plan on it. He was still way too pissed. He had questions that needed answers, but he wasn't sure there was one good enough. He was supposed to be on his way to work, and even though he'd already taken a day off last week, he just wasn't in the mood. He pulled out his cell phone, and dialed the office.

"Zenon Industries, Sanzo Douji's office, this is Akira, how may I help you?" a polite voice said.

"Akira, Sanzo."

"How can I help you, Sir?"

"I'm not coming in today…"

"But, Sir, you have an appointment with Kougaiji this afternoon."

Shit… the new investor… Ahhh… Fuck it… I need a day off…

"Cancel it. If any calls that need my urgent attention come through, go ahead and forward them to my office. I'll be checking my messages periodically."

"Yes, Sir."

"Thanks, Akira. Have a good day."

"Thank you, Sir. You too."

"Oh and Akira?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Go ahead and take off after lunch. You deserve a day off too," and with that, he hung up, leaving his sputtering baffled assistant to fend for himself.

Sanzo really had no idea where to go. He obviously didn't want to go to the office. He sure as hell couldn't go back home, and Gojyo's was out of the question. Every time he thought about the redhead, he saw him curled up against another man, so he decided to drive around. He'd know when he got to where he wanted to be. He maneuvered onto the expressway, and miraculously, he was making good time. When he passed the exit he'd used to get to Gojyo's last week, he realized where he needed to be. He may not want to see his lover, but he needed to. Gojyo was the fire that kept his candle lit, and without him, he was lost in the emptiness of shadows.

I should probably call first…

"Hello?" Gojyo answered in a soft whisper.

"Gojyo…"

"San-Sanzo…"

_He sounds weird…_

"Yeah…"

"H-How have you be-en?" Gojyo stuttered.

"Been better…" he growled.

"I-I… What hap-happened?"

_Is he… crying?_

"Gojyo, are you alright?" he asked curiously.

"Uhhh… yeah… f-fine."

_He's lying…_

"I'm on my way over. We need to talk."

"Okay. I'll be here."

"Bye…" he mumbled.

He was about to hang up, when he heard Gojyo say, 'I love you…' in a voice that made him seem broken and fragile. But he didn't respond. He couldn't. He wasn't ready yet, so he just hung up.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he found himself outside his lovers door, he hesitated. There was a lot he wanted to know. Gojyo had taken someone else into their bed, and he needed to know why. _I'll let it go for now…_ At the moment he had more important questions to ask.

"Gojyo?" he called, as he walked into their apartment, and made his way into the living room. The redhead was sitting on the couch, naked as the day he was born. Sanzo forgot to breathe as he stood up, moved around the couch, and embraced him. "Go…" he began, but he was silenced by a tan finger over his lips, and was drawn into a soul-searing kiss.

When they pulled apart for precious air, Gojyo slipped off his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his shirt. "Gojyo, what are you…" he tried, but he was distracted by the removal of his shirt, and the fingers running along his chest. Gojyo gripped his tie, pulled him into the bedroom, and when his knees met their bed, he was pushed down onto it.

Gojyo looked down at him, with a look in his eyes Sanzo could only call tenderness, and then kneeled in front of him. Gojyo unbuckled his belt, as he lay there in confusion, and pulled his belt from his hips. He felt the slip of the button on his pants, and heard the jagged slide of his zipper.

He finally sat up, and looked his love in the eyes. Gojyo had never been this eager before, and it worried him, even though he was still angry. They stared each other in the eyes for a long time before Gojyo moved to engulf his flaccid cock, but he caught him just underneath the chin. "Gojyo, what the hell is going on?"

"Missed… you... Love… you… Need… you…" Gojyo replied his voice cracking on every word, tears hanging precariously in his eyes. Sanzo was about to question the tears, but stopped himself. _He said he needed me…_ All his questions could wait…

With delicate fingers, Gojyo pushed Sanzo back down onto the bed, and enveloped his sex. His tongue swirled around the tip, and he sucked with such eagerness, that it pushed Sanzo further into compliance. Teeth ran along his length softly, and he held back a groan. When he felt a talented tongue dip into the slit at the head of his erection, he moaned out loud, and snapped his hips up, but Gojyo stilled him, with a well-placed hand. He sat up, and ran his fingers through crimson locks. The mouth stopped working and looked up at him. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and the anger he'd been feeling, evaporated. "Gojyo… what…"

"L-later…" the redhead said, and resumed his work. This wasn't like any other time they'd made love over the last three years. Instead of the hurried need to touch and taste, it was a slow melt, a tender brush, and soft kisses. It was making his head spin. The slow twirl of tongue against flesh, the almost inch by inch slide of his erection inside its moist cavern. Gojyo took him into the back of his throat, and swallowed. Sanzo's fingers unconsciously tightened in his hair, as he let out a low growl.

"I love you, Gojyo…" the mouth stilled for a second, as if in surprise, but kept going. _Oh god… does he think I don't love him… Is that why he was crying?_ Sanzo tried to think about it, but that wasn't to be. Gojyo released him from the moist prison and stroked his seeping tip. Graceful fingers cupped his balls and fondled them, as Gojyo licked him leisurely like a lollipop. Sanzo was having trouble focusing his eyes, he wanted to watch his love, but he couldn't see straight.

Gojyo engulfed him once more, working his shaft with almost expert precision. "Go…" but he couldn't finish. His inner coil had been tightening in around itself in an endless swirl, a light sheen of sweat on his skin, and he was close. Gojyo drew him into the back of his throat once more. He swallowed twice, and hummed. Sanzo's hips snapped forward, as he came, his lips gasping out his lovers name, then flopped back onto the bed. Gojyo swallowed every drop, stood, and mounted his lap. Using his tie to pull him off the bed, trim legs wrapped around his waist, and two arms found their way around his neck.

Sanzo ran his fingers in soothing circles, up the redheads legs, and nearly groaned at the feel of Gojyo's erection against his stomach. He nudged Gojyo's head, with his own, and the redhead looked up. He wasn't crying anymore, and Sanzo leaned in for a kiss. But instead of a kiss, he was stunned when Gojyo hugged him. His legs locking in place around his waist, and pulled him even closer, dropping his head to Sanzo's shoulder.

"Gojyo… Baby… What's wrong?" he asked, but he had a feeling he already knew. The redhead didn't answer, instead, he just clenched him even tighter, and tan fingers slid up to grasp the back of his head. And then he was being kissed. The kiss was heart breaking, in its nearly desperate intensity. It was full of promise, sadness, love and desolation, and it ripped at his soul.

_Gojyo's POV…  
_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  
He's so beautiful__, _Gojyo thought as he looked his love over, from head to toe. _My heart, My life, My soul…_

He crawled over his lover and straddled his hips. They made eye contact, and Sanzo stroked his fingers down Gojyo's back. When he reached the redheads perfect ass, he gripped the cheeks in a possessive, yet gentle grasp, and worked them with his palms. He pulled them apart, exposing his entrance to the air, and Gojyo whimpered, hips involuntarily rocking to gain some sort of friction, against his straining erection.

As his body worked its hips, and Sanzo kneaded his cheeks, he could feel the beginnings of Sanzo's second wind. It only served to push him into a frenzy, making his cock jump, and precum leak from its tip. With one hand on a pale chest, he propped himself up, swiped his tongue over his fingers, and inserted one into his entrance. Sanzo was so distracted by the task, literally at hand, and the feeling of Gojyo's erection rubbing against his own, that he didn't notice.

"Sanzo…" Gojyo mewled as he inserted a second finger, and stretched himself briefly. He didn't need any more preparation. This was Sanzo, his lover, his best friend... his heart… his world… and he wanted to be filled to the brim, as tightly as he could be. At the moment, it seemed there was nothing more important then that. Gojyo pulled his hand away, and his hips came to rest. Sanzo looked up at him in question, and he tried to smile.

He leaned forward, and stole a deep kiss. As he moved back, he positioned Sanzo, and began to take him in, but Sanzo caught his hips. "Gojyo… I don't want to hurt you."

Gojyo gave him a genuine smile, affection reflected in his eyes, and said, "Don't worry. You won't." Determination flashed in his eyes briefly, and he began to impale himself once more, Sanzo helped him with strong hands on his hips, as he lowered himself slowly, sweat marring his skin. Once Sanzo was in to the hilt, he gave a muted groan, and smiled down at his love.

Gojyo took a moment to settle the emotions warring within him, and the sensation of being filled, so deeply, so completely, by the man that was his everything. There wasn't a single thing in the world that could compare to this. Hell, he couldn't think of a single thing that even came close. When he pulled up, it burned slightly, but it didn't matter. He wanted to please Sanzo. Make him shake with pleasure, and scream his release. Gojyo slid back down his length, and Sanzo groaned. "Gojyo… what…"

"Loving you," he replied and rolled his hips slowly. His hands found Sanzo's, and entwined their fingers, his hips continuing their deliberate rotation. He was intent on doing all the work, because this was all about Sanzo. He wanted to make him understand how much he loved and needed him. But Sanzo never had been the passive type. As Gojyo pressed their hips together again, Sanzo met him half way, and he couldn't help the moan that poured from his lips.

He turned his eyes to Sanzo, and found a mask of control. _He wants to go wild… but he hasn't yet…_Gojyo rode his length endlessly, teeth digging into his lower lip in concentration, and tears streaming down his cheeks. He was slick now, the slide of the pulsating erection within him, made that much easier, by the precum flowing inside him. As he came down again, Sanzo angled his hips, and caught Gojyo's prostate. "Sanzo…" Gojyo mewled, as he lost his rhythm.

He didn't protest, when Sanzo rolled them over and switched their positions. "Gojyo…" Sanzo said, as he lifted the redheads chin. "I don't know what's going on with you today… but… I don't want to see you crying when we make love…" he said as he wiped away Gojyo's tears. Gojyo tried to thrust his hips into Sanzo's, but he was held in place by a steel grip. "Do you want this?"

_How can he even ask me that?_

"Of course I do. More than anything. Please, Sanzo… Love me…" Gojyo pleaded, and he did. His hips sliding back and forth, at a snail's pace. Gojyo could feel every vein, every inch, as he moved in and out. The slow pace was tantalizing. It almost felt like a tease, and had his coil tightening in response. Sanzo angled his hips, and pressed in hard. The man beneath him moaned, and bit his lip. Sanzo wrapped a hand around Gojyo's weeping erection, and stroked gently, while delivering slow hard thrusts. Gojyo groaned as he felt his prostate being touched over and over.

Quickly, he found himself on the edge of release, but it wouldn't come. He whimpered, and pushed his hips forward erratically. Sanzo picked up his speed, rolling his hips as he moved. Gojyo felt the slams against his prostate, and the hand stroking him in time with the thrusts, but his release wouldn't come. Sanzo's body was trembling above him, with the effort of holding back his own release. Hand pumping furiously, hips pistoning back and forth.

Gojyo growled, and pushed his hips harder, but he could see the edge getting further and further away. "I love you," Sanzo said, and took his lips in a possessive kiss. Gojyo screamed his release into his lovers mouth as he came, seed spilling into his lovers hand. Less then a second later, he felt hot seed spray inside him, and continued to push his hips into Sanzo's as he moved, letting his body fully milk Sanzo's release.

Sanzo collapsed on his stomach, and Gojyo wrapped his legs around his waist, and stroked his hair. "I love you too. Thank you. That was amazing."

Sanzo looked up at him with hazy eyes, and smiled.

Gojyo smiled back, and let the drowsiness take him away.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he opened his eyes to the world, he was lying on a pale chest, a strong arm molding him to the other man's body. He pressed a kiss to the skin beneath his lips, and Sanzo stirred. He changed the position of his head, and listened to his lovers heartbeat, assuring himself, that Sanzo was really there. _He's here now, but he won't be forever. He's going to leave again_, his conscience told him, and he frowned.

"Sanzo, can I ask you a question?" the redhead whispered, as his fingers caressed silky skin.

"Hn?" Sanzo said foggily, having been pulled out of his light sleep. "Of course, anything."

"When is this all going to end?"

"What?"

"This," Gojyo said gesturing to the two of them. "Us..."

"I don't…"

"When are you going home?" Gojyo asked even though his original question went much deeper than that.

"I have a few hours. Why?"

"I don't…"

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong? I don't know. Everything… Nothing…"

"Gojyo…"

"You're married to someone you don't even love…" Gojyo said, as he rolled over, grabbed the ashtray, and lit a cigarette. "Sometimes, when the door closes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again."

"Gojyo…"

"We can't even go out in public together anymore."

"I'm trying to protect Mei's reputation. She doesn't deserve to have people laughing behind her back."

"Right, but I deserve to sit here alone, while you play house?"

"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? It's too late now. I'm already married, and…"

"You're right, it was too late the second you told your father yes."

"What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me? Sanzo, I spend every night alone. I love you with everything I have, and it's still not enough. What do I have to do?"

"Oh now you love me! That's rich!" Sanzo shouted. "A week ago you were laying in a sticky pile of flesh with some random guy. You're full of shit."

"What?" Gojyo questioned with shock in his eyes.

"I came over to see you, because we had a fight. I wanted to make up, but evidently you already made-up with someone else," Sanzo growled with disgust.

"You knew?" Gojyo whispered. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you were crying, and I was worried about you."

"It didn't mean anything."

"Maybe not to you, but I will never be able to wash that memory away."

_Neither will I_, Gojyo thought as a shudder passed over his skin.

"I fucked up. I'm sorry. What more do you want me to say?"

"Fucked up? What the fuck, Gojyo? I was so mad, I thought I was gonna fucking kill him. I come to see you with wine and roses, and you're passed out in bed, wrapped around some guy. You're with me. Just what the hell did you think you were doing anyway?" Sanzo screeched as he paced the bedroom floor.

"You're right. What I did was wrong, and I feel terrible," Gojyo said pleadingly.

"Were you even going to tell me?"

"I planned on it," he said, and he had, but after they'd made love, it didn't seem like the right time.

"Did you ever stop to think about how this might affect me?"

"What? Did you ever stop to think it might have affected me too? And you have no right to be angry with me for fucking someone else."

"Yes I do! We're a couple, Gojyo. Couples are committed to each other and…"

"Committed to each other? You go home to your wife, who's really just your mistress, every night. The very thought of you with someone else tears me apart, but I've lived with it. How dare you question my fidelity, when you've been cheating on me for almost two years, right in front of my fucking face!"

"Gojyo…" Sanzo said placing a hand on the redheads shoulder.

Gojyo pushed his hand off and turned to face him. "I don't want to hurt anymore, Sanzo…"

"Gojyo, you chose this. I wanted to let you go, because I was afraid it would hurt you, but you said it was okay. That you would be fine. That you wanted to stay. I didn't know you were hurting this much. I'm sorry." Sanzo said soothingly as he wrapped Gojyo in a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it wouldn't have done any good. You already made up your mind, about how you were going to live your life. And…" Gojyo choked on his next words. "Don't you see? This is killing me," he finished, tears rolling down his cheeks, falling deeper into the warmth of Sanzo's body.

"Gojyo, give me some time. I will fix this. I promise!" Sanzo said confidently.

_Why do you always make promises you can't keep? I know you're trying to make me feel better… but in the end… it just hurts me even more…_

"Sanzo, I'm so tired of this game. We make plans, you show up, you get laid, and then you bail out early. It's been three months since the last time we spent the night together."

"It hasn't been that long!" Sanzo insisted.

"Yes it has. We haven't spent the night together since I went to Houston with you. Three very long and lonely months. I never have any clue what's going on with you, so my imagination runs wild. Do you know what it's like to lay in bed at night, and wonder if the man you love is fucking someone else, and telling her he loves her? It's too much."

"You want to know about her? I never brought it up because I thought it would hurt you."

"No, I don't want to know about her, I want… never mind… Just go home to your wife."

"What? Gojyo…"

"Play happy family…"

"But… Gojyo… I love you… and…"

"No, Sanzo. Just stop. Please... Somewhere along the line, this became something else, and I can't do it anymore. I don't know who you think I am, but I-I… I'm nobodies whore."

"Gojyo, you're not my whore. I've never seen you that way."

"Well, half the time, you treat me like one." Gojyo said sadly. "Please… I just… I want you to leave. I need a few days to think."

"I truly do love you, Gojyo," Sanzo said, fear flooding his indigo eyes.

"I know. I love you too, but sometimes that's not enough."


	12. Chapter 11

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Soul In Film**

_Gojyo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  
Gojyo sat on his black couch, wearing nothing but a pair of Sanzo's pajama bottoms. Pajama bottoms that he'd bought for him, and he'd never worn. But they were comfortable, so Gojyo figured, at least someone was getting use out of them. He stared at the blank TV screen, and ran his fingers through his hair in annoyance. He'd been awake for almost 48 hours, and he really just wanted to sleep, but he wouldn't be allowed that luxury for a few more hours.

Tan fingers stroked the velvety fabric of the couch, and he smiled. He'd loved this couch since the first time he sat on it. When Sanzo had started renting this apartment for him, he'd insisted on taking this couch. Sanzo had put up a fight, but in the end he'd given up his couch for his love. _Not that it mattered much anyway_… Gojyo reminded himself…_He moved in with Mei a few months later… They probably would have just thrown it away…_

Gojyo pushed himself from the couch, grabbed a quick shower, and threw on a pair of tattered old blue jeans, and a navy blue t-shirt, that was two sizes too big. He made the bed, and slid his palms across the expensive sheets, to remove any folds in the fabric. He puttered around the apartment, and found himself in the kitchen. He washed the dishes, dried them, and put everything back in its proper place.

He went into his bedroom to grab his jacket, and on the way out, a black velvet box on his dresser caught his attention. He opened it, and pulled out a silver band. _My Heart My Life My Soul…_Gojyo shook as he read the engraving on the ring. It had been a gift from Sanzo. A promise ring of all things. A gift that was supposed to ensure him that Sanzo would love him and no other… forever.

_Should I…_ Deciding against it, he slipped the band back into the box, and returned it to its place on the dresser. He hadn't worn it in months, so why start today? He grabbed his leather jacket from the door handle, and moved into the living room. He pulled the camcorder from the mahogany cabinet, and attached it to the DVD player. He pointed it towards his face, and checked the screen to make sure it was working.

When he saw himself on screen, he was shocked by what he saw. His hair was messier then he liked to wear it, his skin was paler than usual, and he had deep circles under his eyes. He grabbed the cordless phone and dialed. "Hello?" a sleepy voice muttered.

Gojyo looked at his watch and realized it was only eight o'clock in the morning. He felt like a bastard for bothering his friend, at such an ungodly hour, but it was a necessary evil. He had somewhere to be. "Kai…"

"Gojyo? You okay?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said eleven?" Hakkai mumbled with a yawn.

"I did… but…"

"You're ready now?"

"I will be in a little while. Give me like fifteen minutes, and I'll be over."

"Alright. Hey, Gojyo…"

"I'll see you in a bit," he said swiftly, cutting off his friend.

He hung up the phone, picked up the camcorder, pressed record, and placed it on top of the DVD player. He checked the placement one more time, and sat down on the coffee table. Sometimes it took more then a mere conversation to get your point across, and Gojyo hoped this would work.

He looked at the lens, and spoke, pouring every ounce of his heart out into the open. Keeping things inside had only served to hurt him, so this time, he would leave it all on the table, and let Sanzo sort it out. There really wasn't much else he could do.

When he was finished he stood up, slipped on his jacket, pressed a kiss to his fingertips, and touched his fingers to the lens. He walked out the door, and slid it closed behind him. By the time he reached Hakkai's, the door was already opening to let him in.

"Yo," Hakkai said with a grin.

Gojyo walked in, and caught a half naked form sitting at the kitchen table, "So you did get lucky!"

"Gojyo!" Hakkai shrieked, his cheeks turning pink in his embarrassment.

Gojyo took a closer look, and his heart almost flew out of his chest. _His eyes… so strange… Just like…_

"Homura?" Hakkai called, and the man looked up. "I have to take Gojyo up to 178th. I'll be back in a couple of hours. You're welcome to hang around, as long as you like. When you leave, just lock the door. Okay?"

The brunette shifted in his seat, before he stood up, and moved over to Hakkai. Placing his hands on Hakkai's hips, he pulled them together, and graced him with a passionate kiss. "I was hoping I could hang around until you came back…" he said.

He even moves like Sanzo…

"Sounds good," Hakkai said breathlessly. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Can't wait," the brunette growled seductively, and Hakkai blushed again.

Gojyo watched the scene play out before him with both delight and jealousy. He was happy for his friend, but he knew he would never have that kind of relationship with Sanzo. It made the green eyed monster rear it's ugly head, but he reigned it in. Today Hakkai was doing him a favor, so he refused to be a grump.

Hakkai grabbed his keys, and they made their way out. "It was nice meeting you," Gojyo called as the door closed behind him.

_Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  
Sanzo weaved through traffic, while trying to get a reservation. He'd given Gojyo a few days to cool his jets, and had left work early today in hopes of getting to spend a three day weekend with his lover. He could have taken Monday off, but Mondays were the most hectic, so at noon, he'd snuck out of the office.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I can't confirm a reservation for this evening. Reservations have to be made at least three weeks in advance."

"Don't you have any cancellations?" he asked hopefully.

"No, we don't."

"Thanks a lot," he said with a growl.

"Sir, I don't know how you can call a bed and breakfast on a Friday, and expect us to have an available room, for that evening. Fridays are our busiest day, no matter what time of year!" she said admonishing him courteously. "Have a good afternoon."

"Yeah you too." _Great… Gojyo really wanted to check that place out… I'll have to think of something else…_

Sanzo walked into their apartment using his key, white noise catching his attention. He walked into the living room and found the TV on, black and white ripples fluttering over the screen. "Gojyo?" he called, but there was no answer. _He must be out with Hakkai. I should have called._ He noticed their camcorder sitting on top of the DVD player and looked inside… there was definitely a tape, but it was at its end.

Hmmm…

Sanzo pressed rewind, and waited for the click. Once it stopped he hit play and moved to the black camel back couch. _What has he been up to? _When the video started to play all he could see was blue. The picture wobbled and danced, then stood still. The blue moved back and he realized it was a t-shirt, Gojyo's t-shirt. Video Gojyo backed away from the lens, checked its placement, and sat down on the coffee table.

The redhead gave a sad smile, and looked to the lens, "Hey, Sanzo…"

Oh it's for me… Is he really that mad?

Sanzo lifted the remote and turned up the volume, "I didn't have the nerve to say goodbye in person… and a letter seemed so impersonal…"

_Goodbye?_Sanzo got up and ran into the bedroom, the video playing as his heart raced, blood crashing through his veins. He threw the doors to the closet open, and found most of Gojyo's things gone. Everything he'd ever bought him, was present, including his cell phone. Gojyo had left with only the things he'd bought for himself, even the promise ring he'd given Gojyo two years ago was nestled in its place on the dresser.

_He left and didn't want to take any part of me with him…_

He heard Gojyo's voice and remembered the tape. He ran back to the living room, rewound the tape slightly, and settled down to really listen to what his love had to say.

"God, Sanzo… I wish you knew how hard this was for me… My only real weakness over the last three years has been you, and the overwhelming love I've felt, since…" Gojyo sighed "…since just about that first time I saw you. I knew if I waited for you to come back here, I would never leave. There was no way I could look you in the eye and…"

_I shouldn't have waited_, Sanzo thought, his heart clenching as he watched Gojyo's obvious misery on film.

"I was so secure with you… and I'm scared to death about where I'll end up now, but this… this is all way too painful for me, and even though I chose this… I know it was my decision to stick with you… I deserve better. A whole hell of a lot better. Someone who will be with me and only me… I don't want to be your dirty little secret anymore."

Sanzo flinched, Gojyo was his dirty little secret, but he was also his heart and soul.

"You ripped my heart out over and over… It's been so long since I really felt it when you told me you loved me. I've spent the last year feeling like your whore. You came… we fucked… you left… but I stayed. I just… I've never been in love with anyone else… you were the first… did I ever tell you that? Probably not… Love sure as hell isn't what I expected it to be. I waited 21 years for something special… it finally came along… and… well you know how the story goes…"

Gojyo's head slumped, slender fingers rubbing the back of his neck. Sanzo wished he could melt away the tension in that perfect neck.

"You remember our first time? I thought you were just playing some sort of game… and I got so mad… but then you asked me to take you… Man… my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. That was the first time I realized I was in love with you… and it made me so nervous… I'd been around the block so many times before… but with you and that brand new feeling… It was different then all the other times… it was… mind-blowing…"

Gojyo arched as if he could feel the memory flowing over his skin, and Sanzo watched his almost feline grace with fascination, then shuddered at the memory of that night. The night his passion had been unleashed…

"That day sticks out in my mind more then any other in our three years… it poured that night… you remember? It was a really bad thunderstorm… you pulled me close for warmth… I almost couldn't breathe… you were squeezing me so tight… every time the thunder boomed you would tremble… I knew you were afraid… it made you seem so vulnerable that I took you again… in a flash of lightening you looked up at me… and said you loved me and would never let me go."

Tears rolled down Gojyo's cheeks, his shoulders shuddering. Sanzo yearned to wipe those tears away, and comfort his lover but Gojyo wasn't… _He's not my lover anymore…_

"So… there's never been anybody else… And I doubt there ever will be. Who could compare to you, anyway? But that doesn't really matter anymore… I'll move on… and maybe someday there will be someone new… and I'll smile and laugh with him… and… while I won't love him the way I love you… I'll be happy… and that's probably more important…" Gojyo's voice cracked but he pushed on. "I hope that you and Mei find some semblance of happiness together…"

At Gojyo's heartfelt wish for his future happiness Sanzo broke. His body began to shake, and a whimper fell from his lips. He'd managed to keep up his cool exterior far longer then he'd expected. He'd done nothing but hurt the man he loved, and Gojyo still cared about his happiness. It was too much.

"On those stormy nights when I haunt your dreams… think of me… and you'll be alive one more time… even if it's just… for one night…" Gojyo ran his hands through his crimson locks collecting himself, and sighed in exasperation. Sanzo realized this video was the first real glimpse he had into his boyfriends pain. Pain he'd kept hidden for eighteen incredibly long months.

"I love you… forever…"

Sanzo's heart shattered as he watched video Gojyo put on his jacket, place a kiss to his fingertips, press them to the lens, pick up his bag, walk past the couch they'd made love on more times than he could count, out the door, and far, far away. The video continued to play this empty room, and with startling realization he knew for certain…

Every piece of life that lived within him was gone…

He couldn't bear to move. He couldn't stand the idea of going home to his wife. The idea of ever looking at his desk again, made his stomach turn. This was where he should have been all along, and this was where he would stay. _Maybe he'll come back_, his conscience told him, but he already knew that would never happen. If nothing else, Gojyo Taishou was a man of his word, he was determined to go, and that meant he was already long gone.

That night as he slept in what was once their bed, he cried for the first time since his mother died. He didn't cry for his loss… He cried for the man he tore apart… because Gojyo shouldn't have had to cry over the mistakes he had so foolishly made.


	13. Epilogue

**Warning:** This story is **NC-17** because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

This story will also contain **YAOI**… **MAN-ON-MAN SEX**… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

**Sidenotes: **This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

**Also:** This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

* * *

**Epilogue**

_Five years later… Sanzo's POV…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sanzo looked at the paintings placed around the gallery. "So?" Yaone asked him.

Sanzo walked over to the painting in front of him and said, "This one." He moved on to another painting, "This one… and… those two." He said as he left the second room, eyes scanning one more time to make sure he'd gotten them all.

"Okay, I'll let the dealer know."

"Thank you."

"Sanzo?"

"Hmmm?"

"Go home. You've been here for hours. You need rest for tomorrow night," she said caringly. Her fingers rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"You're probably right. I'll see you tomorrow night, Yaone."

"Can't wait."

"Until tomorrow then. Take care."

Sanzo left a nearly indiscernible kiss on her cheek and made his way down the street, his feet pulling him along. He lifted his collar against the strong breeze that ruffled his shortly cropped locks, golden bangs tickling his face. His cell phone rang and he looked down at the caller ID with disgust, "What?" he answered angrily not even trying to hide his contempt.

"Hello, Sanzo. Is that any way to greet your father?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

"How dare you be so disrespectful. You are a Douji, it's time you started acting like it."

"Father…" Sanzo said, the small amount of patience he saved especially for his father wavering. The man knew how to push all his buttons, but Sanzo wouldn't let him win. Not anymore, and sure as hell not tonight, of all nights, so he grit his teeth.

"Don't you father me! It's been long enough. It's time to do what needs…"

"Shut the fuck up," Sanzo growled in frustration, "I'm in a particularly good mood, and I'd prefer not to let you ruin it for me. So, I'll have to let you go." With that he flipped his phone shut and shoved it into his pocket. He lit a Marlboro Red, and took a long drag, calming his nerves.

Bastard…

By the time he finished his second cigarette, he was already standing in front of his building. He stepped into the rickety elevator, put his key in, and pushed the button for the top floor. He moved into his loft, flopped down on his black camel back couch and sighed. The sound of Shuuei Douji'svoice filled him with rage. The man was exasperating. How they were related he would never know.

He pulled off his shirt, his necklace bouncing as it fell from the folds, and walked around the room, choosing one of the paintings he was in the process of finishing. He pulled the cloth from the front of the canvas before him, and grabbed a paint brush. As the fabric drifted to the floor his breath hitched in his throat. Even after five years, the sight of those ruby eyes tore every ounce of air from his lungs. He dipped the brush into teal paint, stroked it over the canvas, and lost himself in his work.

Several hours later, his eyes started to drift closed, and fearing for the painting he was working on, he set his brush aside. He looked out the window and the sun was coming up over the bay, orange, purple, and blue streaking across the sky. With a glance at the clock he realized it was already seven o'clock in the morning. _Oh well…_ _When the muse strikes I must answer his call…_ He went up the short staircase on the far left side of the loft, and fell into bed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sanzo arrived at the gallery, he looked at his watch. He was about 45 minutes early. He pulled open the door before him, and froze. Seeing walls covered in his work, stirred something inside him, and he couldn't help the glowing smile that played on his lips.

"Oh, you're here," Yaone chimed with a smile, as she came around the corner.

_Poor girl_, he thought with knowing in his eyes. Not that his assistant did much to hide her infatuation. He felt bad really. She was smart, beautiful, and well cultured, but he had so little passion, and what he did have, was reserved for his painting. Although, he did find her interest flattering.

"Hi, Yaone," he said with his own genuine smile. "How are things looking?"

"Good." She said as she made her way over and kissed his cheek. "Everything is all set up, and the doors will open in about 30 minutes."

"Okay."

Almost as an afterthought she added, "Oh and the paintings you requested have been marked."

"I appreciate all your hard work. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure, Sanzo. I'm a big fan of your work."

He couldn't help but blush, "Thank you."

She really is a sweet girl… I hate to let her down… She'll be really disappointed… He looked over at her, and she gave him a mischievous smile, that bordered on seductive, with a splash of innocence. Something about that smile tickled his senses. It was so… familiar.

When the doors opened Sanzo was surprised to find that a crowd was already waiting to get inside. _All this for me?_ It was a little overwhelming. People shuffled in, and he heard voices of delight as they took in five years of his hard work. He strode over to one of his paintings marked as 'not for sale' and everything fell away, his fingers coming to rest on a silver Celtic ring bound to him by thin black leather.

Five years ago today, he quit the job he despised. Five years ago today he left the wife he never loved. Five years ago today he turned his back on everything he knew, in favor of pursuing his childhood dream, and was disowned for it. It hadn't been easy, but he'd changed his life. In the end, his sacrifice had been worth it, just to see people enjoying his art, was enough.

His eyes caressed the lines of the elfish features he knew like the back of his hand. For five years the simple silver ring he held had given him strength. It bound him to a moment in time, that he knew could never be his future. He was lonely, but he felt he deserved his solitude. He'd never desired anybody but Gojyo, and it would be unfair to lie to someone else. He'd lied for too many years, to too many women, all for the sake of his father, and he wasn't that man anymore. He'd changed, and that's all he really cared about. Then again, all the changes in the world meant nothing, if they came too late… _Five years and one day ago… Gojyo left for good…_and he'd been one day overdue.

"Excuse me?" a young orange haired girl asked.

"Yes?" he replied, startled out of his reverie.

"Are you, Konzen?" she nearly shrieked.

"Yes," he said, acknowledging his pen name. "How can I help you?"

"I was hoping I could get an interview for my magazine."

"Sure."

Why the hell not?

"Okay, great!" she looked through her purse animatedly and pulled out a small tape recorder. "I'm going to record you, so that I can get the interview down accurately, o-kay?"

"That's fine," Sanzo said with a small smile, spurred on by her obvious excitement.

"So, first let me say that I'm a big fan."

"Thank you."

"Tell me Konzen, what do you call this series?"

"Duplicity."

"Why?"

_Good question, no one has ever asked me that before_, he thought looking down at the deceptively innocent face. "Because it focuses on the separation between duty and desire. The ties between fate and free will. The difference between what needs to be done to succeed, and what we need as people to survive. Two sides of the same coin. Two parts of a whole. In the simplest words, one man, with two faces… but only one soul."

"And what was your inspiration for this series?"

"This is one of those circumstances where art imitates life," Sanzo sighed, "My life."

"So these paintings tell the story of your life?"

"Yes."

"And the dark figure in several of your paintings is the man with two faces?"

Sanzo was taken aback for several moments. This girl obviously had far more going on upstairs, then he'd originally given her credit before. A good interviewer asked the questions that earned them the most reaction, and within a few questions, she'd already floored him, twice. "No."

"An internal representation of yourself?" she pressed on. Obviously having decided, that the identity of the alluring form, was money in the bank.

"No. Nothing that complicated," he said trying to lull her.

"Then who is he?" she pressed on with eager confusion.

"He's the soul," Sanzo said simply.

The young reporter seemed confused by his answer, "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

"Some day… you will…"

He smiled at her, and walked away. He wandered through the gallery, listening in on the conversations taking place. It seemed the general response was beyond good, and he felt a bit of pride swell in his chest. He had finally become the man Gojyo had always hoped he'd be.

"Hey, Sanzo…"

Sanzo's heart skipped a beat, he knew that voice. It was older now, and roughed by time, but it still left tingles running up and down his spine. He had to be dreaming. _There's no way… It can't be…_ he turned around, and found to his dismay, that it could be, and was.

"Uh… I…"

_Oh my god… what the hell do I say…_

"How are you?"

"Uh… I…"

Slender tan fingers wrapped around his wrist, and crimson eyes implored him to follow. He moved behind the other man, the contact at his wrist spreading fire up his arm, straight to his heart. When they were outside, away from the crowd Gojyo finally spoke. "Sanzo, are you just going to stand there? Will you talk to me?"

He found Gojyo's eyes and saw the trepidation there. In five years the urge to comfort and console had only grown stronger, and his own fear faded away, for the sake of the man before him. "I'm sorry. I was just so nervous seeing you here. I didn't know what to say."

"It's alright. I'm nervous too. Ummm… Your work is wonderful."

"Thank you," Sanzo said with satisfaction. "That means a great deal coming from you. You're my inspiration in every way. Always have been."

Gojyo had the good grace to blush at his response, "I… uhhh… noticed."

"Oh shit, Gojyo. I never thought about it. I'm sorry. If you want I can take them down."

"Please don't," Gojyo said with a frown. "They're beautiful."

"Thank you."

"So how've you been?" Gojyo questioned, because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Good, I guess. Tired. Working too much these last few weeks, getting ready for the opening. I've been really busy."

"You always did work too hard. How's Mei?"

"I haven't talked to her in over four years," he said in a near whisper. "Not since our divorce was final," he added as an afterthought. He couldn't help it really. He was thrown off by the other mans presence, and it was making his thoughts cloudy and jumbled.

"Oh," Gojyo said with surprise reflected in his iridescent eyes. "Ummm… How's your father?"

"I don't really know. I don't talk to him much these days, and when I do, it's because he's calling to give me shit. It always turns into an argument, and I don't have the patience for it anymore."

"Oh, Sanzo, I'm sorry," Gojyo said consolingly.

"Don't be. It's for the better," he assured the redhead. "I knew what I was getting into when I went against his wishes, and left Zenon."

"So why'd you do it?" Gojyo asked curiously.

"I was tired of being split down the middle."

"He always put a lot of pressure on you…"

Sanzo could feel himself being pulled towards the other man. He fought against the gravity reeling him in, like a moth to a flame, even though he yearned to feel the heat of the other man's body, even just for a moment. "It doesn't matter anymore. Forgive me, Gojyo, but… what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't pass up the chance to come to your first opening. I saw the ad in the newspaper. I couldn't stay away. Even though I… I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I thought I might not be… welcome."

"You're always welcome, Gojyo. You know that."

"But after everything…"

"Gojyo," Sanzo said, trying to soothe his muse, "I mean it. You're always welcome in my life, in any way you see fit. In any way you find me deserving."

"It's been such a long time," Gojyo mumbled, his hand reaching out for the other man hesitantly, Sanzo held his breath, but it fell back to his side.

"It has been a long time," he agreed. "How've you been?"

"Oh… ummm… good, good. I'm in a new band now, and we just signed a record deal. We start recording in a few months, and I'll be leaving for L.A. in a couple of weeks," Gojyo said, his face glowing with pride.

"I'm glad to hear it. You have so much talent. You deserve it."

How did we end up a few inches apart?, Sanzo thought, body pulsing at the proximity of the man who was his everything. His fingertips grazed the smooth skin of Gojyo's arm lightly, and it only served to torture him even more. Gojyo's eyes pushed shut, and he sucked in a shaky breath at the small, almost imperceptible, contact.

"Thank…"

"Gojyo…" a tall, well built man, with long dark hair called curiously.

Gojyo's eyes flew open, breaking free from the spell that was hovering around them. He turned and smiled at the other man, "Give me a second. I'll be right there." Gojyo turned back to Sanzo looking frazzled. "I'm sorry about that. Thank you, for the compliment."

Sanzo looked the other man over appraisingly, "Who's he?"

Gojyo looked pained as he answered, "My fiancé, Shien."

"Are you happy?" Sanzo asked, the redhead breaking his heart all over again.

"Yeah, most of the time… except… when it rains." Sanzo nodded his head in understanding, his eyes fluttering closed as he looked down towards the ground, afraid the smaller man would see the emptiness he felt written all over his face. Gojyo could always read him like a book. Slender fingers stroked his jaw, "Hey…"

He looked up into burgundy orbs, and forgot to breathe. The love, fear, happiness, and sadness he saw there were crushing. "Do you love him?" he asked. He couldn't help it, he needed to know.

His question was left floating in the air, as Gojyo searched indigo eyes. But he didn't seem to find what he was looking for, because he frowned. "Be happy, Sanzo. Please…" Gojyo pulled Sanzo to him, and wrapped him in a hug, leaving a delicate kiss on his cheek. As he walked away, he turned and with a chuckle added, "The hair looks good."

Sanzo watched Gojyo embrace Shien, and kiss him passionately. A strong arm wrapped around the redheads shoulders, as they fell in step together, and moved away from him. Sanzo smiled a small smile. Maybe he could be happy too… For Gojyo…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night Sanzo was shocked awake by a loud clap of thunder. When lightning flashed he thought he saw scarlet eyes hovering above his frame. He rubbed his eyes, and tried to shake away the cobwebs deep sleep always brought. He got out of bed, and opened a window, the water beneath him lapping harshly. He'd dreamed of Gojyo again, like he had every night for the last five years, but this time it was different.

His eyes fell shut, letting the wind and rain caress his burning skin. He could feel nails run across the sensitive skin of his hips. His name floated to him across the breeze, as it ran wispy fingers through his hair. He caught a scent in the air, and it was unmistakable. His body felt electric…

ALIVE…

He opened his eyes and smiled. He pulled the necklace from his neck, and slid the ring from its place on the tender leather string. He read the inscription one last time… and just like that… it was gone forever.

As the storm raged on he knew with the certainty born of thirty years of life experience, that he was a slave to fate no longer.

And probably never had been…

* * *

Thank you for sticking with this story all the way the end. I appreciate it more then you will ever know. Please read and review. I hope you've enjoyed my labor of love.


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